Snow, A Bit Overblown

Well, they did it again!

The “they” I refer to is our local weather forecasters.  For the past five days they’ve talked of two upcoming snowstorms.  The first was not supposed to be too bad, but the SECOND, oh my goodness!  “Brace yourself for the second!” they said.  Uh huh.  The storm that was predicted for Sunday night into Monday morning was supposed to be somewhere in the neighborhood of five to eight inches.  (I realize this is nothing compared to what the East coast is getting.) But still, eight inches of snow on unplowed roads can be pretty bad around here.  And since my main driveway goes uphill to the street and since I have a tiny, lightweight car, I pay attention to these forecasts.  The more they blew this thing up, the more nervous I became, even rescheduling an appointment I had for Monday.  Then on Sunday, two of the local channels announced that they would be airing an hour earlier Monday morning to keep people updated on the road conditions.

So it was with dread that I opened the front door Monday morning at 5:00 to get the paper, only to be greeted with this sight:

I took the picture with the infra-red feature on my camera and I think it is hauntingly beautiful.  But, look carefully at the street, the completely clear street! This scene doesn’t exactly scream “Storm of the Century,” does it?  Even the sidewalk in front of my home was clear.

So once again, the local weather forecasters succeeded in getting the whole metropolitan area tensed up and fearing the worse…for nothing!  And what’s really irritating about this is that we’ve had some really horrific snows this winter with very little warning. Oh well,  I just wish they’d  take a chill pill once in a while and not try to make each weather development into a major event.

Now don’t get me wrong.  I’m grateful that this thing didn’t turn out to be  like what we’re seeing in Washington D.C. and Baltimore.  I’d be even happier if there wasn’t one place where the snow  did accumulate - the once and only place I have to shovel…

my driveway!

I guess I’ll bring this to a close now.  There’s a shovel in the basement that has my name written all over it!

P.S. I just finished shoveling, but couldn’t resist the urge to create  “Little Miles!”

In Search Of?

It’s interesting to me to learn what brings people to this blog and what posts are the most popular.  Fortunately, WordPress provides me with a “dashboard” which shows me how many “hits” I have each day, which posts were read by how many people and what search terms certain people entered which brought them to this blog.

What I expected to be most popular were the more humorous pieces, like “Star in Bra Land” or “The Mole and Me.” Or else, there were the very emotional and passionate ones like “Letter to My Deceased Stepmother” and “Letter to My Real Mother.” And while those do get read, they aren’t the ones which are searched day in and day out.

No, what I’ve learned from studying the search terms is that my title of “Star Simplified, Pseudo M.D.” is secure.  Any time I write a post that is in any way medical, it gets hit over and over.  The one post that seems to be read more than any other is “My Pink Eye Week.” It is read every single day by someone and usually more than one person.  This is understandable to me because when you realize you have pink eye, it’s scary and you want to know all you can about it.   And I actually did write it as sort of a public service.

Then I have the search terms “stitches lip surgery” and “big lip surgery” which I assume refer to my lip surgery Before and After.  And there are always a lot of terms like “do nail beds grow back?” “damaged nail beds” and “nail bed baby toe,” all which lead people to my post in which I show a picture of how I had to remove most of my thumbnail (gross, but interesting.) I also get “toothache” and “humidity toothache (?)” which I can only assume take people to the post in which I wrote a letter “To My Depressed Tooth.” Anyway, you get the picture.  If you want pseudo medical advice, this blog is the place to get it.  If I don’t know the answer, I’ll make one up!  And all my advice is free!

Of course, there are a few terms which I just can’t explain, such as “Is hell an endless loop?”  Another is “bed couple xxx.”  And one that particularly amuses me which showed up recently is “dead by banana.”  Huh?

One day I was particularly excited because I had 117 hits, all referred from another blog.  I went to see what it was and this is what I found:

It doesn’t come through very clear here, but the whole thing is in Chinese!  I’m hoping there is something in there that says, “Go look at this extremely funny, touching, intelligent blog written by a very wonderful American woman! ” On the other hand, it could be saying something negative, instead, which would make me very sad, so maybe it’s for the best that I can’t read the language.

But then, I guess even that would be better than being  dead by banana!…

A Cold Intruder

Well, there have been weird happenings at Star Manor!  Yes, indeed!  After one of our last snows, I happened to look out the balcony door and saw something very strange.  Look at that disturbance in the snow in the middle of the picture…

Just in case you can’t make it out, here is a close up:

It’s a FOOTPRINT!  But the odd thing is that there are no footprints leading to it or from it.  It’s a footprint smack dab in the middle of the deck!  Now let me point out here that this deck/balcony is not at ground level.  It’s above a double-car garage, thus on the second story.  And the only way to access the balcony is through my dining room!  So, we can rule out someone “just walking by.”  And it’s certainly not mine because I don’t go out on the deck when it’s snowy.  And besides, how do I make a footprint like that?  Take a gigantic leap and land on one foot????  Oh no, there is something very otherworldly going on here!  You want to know MY theory?   (I thought you’d never ask!) I think my intruder looked like this…

Ah yes!  You forgot about aliens, didn’t you?  What I think happened was, he shot down from the sky, landing on one foot.  He stood there looking around for few seconds and then realized it was too damned cold to stay!  At that point, he shot straight back up to his saucer and headed for warmer climes!

The only thing that has left me puzzled is – I’ve never known an alien to wear shoes before.  Or, I should say “shoe.”  Go figure.

Six Word Memoirs

Brevity is in.  And there is a trend now to tell stories, write letters or pen an autobiography using only six words.  Legend has it that Hemingway was once asked to write a story in only six words.  He submitted:  “For sale: baby shoes, never worn.”  Pretty good, huh?   The Kansas City Star, inspired by a new book, It All Changed In An Instant, recently challenged its readers to submit six-word memoirs.  The results were a surprising mix of joyful, funny, touching and poignant.

Here are some of my favorites:

He: nursing home. Me: home alone. – Georgene Swank

Don’t forget to lick the bowl. – Larry G. Smith

Blue dot in a sea of red. – Lori Kodanaz

Life is all about Plan B. – Lisa Engelken

Always thought different would be better. – Carol Yurkovich

Entered my 80’s, ache all over!  Jean Fetters

I miss my parents EVERY DAY. – Peg Workman

Retired at last, oh, the joy. – Stan Herbert

Love now before the curtain drops. – Bob Marrin

It’s amazing how so few words can say so much.  Although several of the above could apply to me, I wanted to try my hand at writing a few.  This first is true for me, but maybe a bit mundane.  “Every day is a cherished gift.”

This second stemmed from past pain: “Betrayed, but never lost my faith.” And, along this same line: “Hard knocks just make me tougher.”

But I think this last one makes me happiest:  “Beloved friends became my true family.”

So, are you up to trying it?  Come on!  It’s a good mental exercise!  Write me a six-word memoir reflecting your life or philosophy of life.  I’ll be checking back on the comments regularly to see what you come up with.  Pretty please?  I showed you mine, now show me yours!   I promise to respond to all of them.  Get that pen out!

Bits And Pieces #15

Well, it’s catch-up time with all the little things that have been swirling around my mind!  Some are really little bits, but I’ve found that, once I’ve dumped them into my blog, there’s more room in my head for new stuff.

Okay, I watched the whole John Edwards piece on “20-20″ last week.  They interviewed Andrew Young, a former Edwards aide who has written a tell-all book entitled The Politician. Normally, I write these kind of things off, but Young’s account had the ring of truth for me.  I always thought Edwards was a little too “goody-two-shoes” to be true and obviously I was right.  I was interested to learn that he spent over a million dollars of campaign funds to hide his mistress, Rielle Hunter from The National Enquirer. Young also told how Edwards and Hunter sat by the fire, listening to “their song” and talking about what their lives together would be like once Elizabeth was dead.  Classy, huh?  And then when she became pregnant, he wanted his aide to take the responsibility!  I bet if you looked up the word “smarmy” in the dictionary, you’d see a picture of John Edwards.

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This sign was meant to encourage fat people to shed a few pounds and join a health club and spa attached to Cadbury House hotel in Bristol.  Needless to say, it caused an uproar.  Sheesh!  Don’t people have a sense of humor anymore?

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To those of you who are fans of the TV show, “Lost,” I want to remind you that the final season starts Tuesday at 8:00 p.m. Central Time.  The way I see it, if you’ve put in the time during all the past years, you owe it to yourself to have everything explained and to see how it ends.  Oh, who am I kidding?  I’m tuning in because I have the hots for Sawyer, played by Josh Holloway.  That man, with his sexy voice and his lazy good looks could convince me to stay on an island with him forever!  No problem.  No problem at all…

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And finally I want to share a line I came across from the movie “Leap Year.”  After reading this, I think I really must see the movie.

“May you never steal, lie, or cheat, but if you must steal, then steal away my sorrows, and if you must lie, lie with me all the nights of my life, and if you must cheat, then please cheat death because I couldn’t live a day without you.”

Doesn’t it just make you want to go “Ahhhhh!”   I thought so.  Me, too.

Dear January,

Dear January,

Well, you old fart, it looks like you’re on your last legs, and I can’t say I’m sorry!  To be honest, I haven’t enjoyed your visit this year one little bit.  First of all, you swoop in, practically stepping on December’s heels, virtually taking over.  And then, rather than bring your own weather, you copy December’s.  And you don’t just copy it, you big showboat, you magnify it by ten! I mean, what’s with that?  You haven’t always been like this.  You used to be modest and reasonable, but not this time!  Oh no!  You come stomping in with your size gazillion shoes, and to heck with anyone else!

What I’d like to know is why have you been so dark and sullen?  Did you miss the Calendar Ball or something?  Did July refuse to give you a date?  Or did you just get up on the wrong side of the year?

I think you know, January, that I have a regular column in this blog called “On Cloud Patrol.”  It’s filled with pictures of big fluffy clouds in which I point out shapes and pictures.  Well, guess how many clouds I’ve seen during YOU?  No, guess!  NONE, you lazy bugger!  Every time I could go outside without fear of freezing my eyeball fluid, I’ve looked up to see a gray, watery-looking sky with not a cloud in sight!  Thanks a whole lot!  Not!

But, to be honest, what got me really, really, steamed was the whole snow and ice thing you pulled this year.  What are you, insane? We’ve had more ice and snow during you than I can ever remember!  Slick streets, frozen mailboxes and car-sized snow drifts have all been your little New Year’s “gifts” to me.  And I hate to put it to you, but those things weren’t on my list.  I’m not unreasonable.  I could have taken a little of this junk, if only you would have given us some recovery time in between.  But NO!  Not big ass January!  You just couldn’t stop, could you?  You’ve made things so difficult for so many people, but do you care?  Hell no!  You’re January – big, bossy, cruel and with a heart of solid ice.

Well, guess what, Big Boy?  Your time is just about up and I, for one, say “good riddance!”

Don’t let the door hit you on your way out!

Sincerely,

A Little Appreciation

As we go about our day-to-day lives, it’s so easy to become discouraged by the apathy and incompetence we so often seem to be surrounded by.  There is no end to sales clerks who are too busy talking on their cell phones to assist you or the abominable “phone menus” you have to traverse to get a simple answer to a simple question.  Telephone customer assistants, particularly, can absolutely drive me up the wall.  But, what about the good people who help us every day?  Do we always take a moment to let them know they’re appreciated?  I fear not!

What made me think of this today is my financial adviser’s assistant, a lovely woman by the name of Maria.  I called the office yesterday with a question for my financial adviser, who was in a meeting at the moment.  Maria asked if perhaps she could help me.  I had several questions about some 1099’s I was supposed to receive.  I thought I was supposed to get four, of which only one had arrived.  She promised to check with the head office and get some answers for me and get back to me the next day.

The minute I hung up the phone, I knew I didn’t have to worry about the matter.  Whereas with many people I would make a note to check back with them, I knew that Maria wouldn’t rest until she got answers for me.  This is based of my many years of dealing with this company.  No matter what is going on in her life, Maria always answers the phone with a pleasant, gentle voice.  If she tells you she’ll do something, you can rest assured it will get done.  If she tells you something, you can “take it to the bank.”  She’s obviously someone who believes in doing her job to the best of her ability every single day.  She is polite and caring and I’ve never seen her lose her cool.

The next morning, the phone rang and she had the answers I needed.  Instead of four documents, I needed only two, one of which I already had.  She also informed me that the IRS had changed the deadline on the other document and the companies didn’t have to have them issued until February 15th.  That wasn’t something I was thrilled to hear, because I like to file my taxes early, but if she hadn’t told me I would have worried myself sick.  So, as usual, Maria did her job and she did it well.  But instead of ringing off, I took a moment to tell her how invaluable she is and how much I, personally, appreciate everything she does.  I think it made her feel good.  I know it did me.   And she deserved it!

Just taking the time to tell people they’re doing a good job is a small thing that can make a big difference.  I have gone to the same place for my oil changes for years.  It’s called (and I, personally, LOVE this name,) “House of Lube” – Home of the 10 Minute Oil Change.  It’s not fancy.  The waiting room is not particularly comfortable.  But, the guys there do a good and thorough job – every time.  I know I can be in and out in ten minutes.  One time I told them that, as a single woman, I really appreciated the fact that they always checked my car over each time I brought it in and pointed out anything that needed my attention.  I told them how much I depended on their expertise.  And you know what?  Every time I come in, they treat me like a queen!  Appreciation, people, it’s a good thing!

When I think about it, there are a whole lot of other people who are a pleasure to deal with and who make my life easier…the checkers and baggers at my grocery store, the assistants in my dentist’s office, the people I deal with in the pharmacy, my paper man and my banker, to name a few.  I think at one time or another, I’ve thanked each of them for doing a good job, but it’s something I should do more often.

I challenge each of you today to make a point of telling at least ONE person you deal with what a good job they do.  We all know what it’s like to knock yourself out doing your best, only to have no one notice.  And good work should be recognized!  God knows it’s rare enough!  After all, we’re all in this big old lifeboat together and you know what they say…

“What goes around, comes around.”

Have a great day, guys!

Odd Is Interesting…Sometimes

If you’ve read this blog at all, you’ll know that I’m often fascinated by the odd, the bizarre or just the little known.  So today I’ve gathered together a few things I’ve run across that I found interesting, totally off-the-wall or just puzzling. I hope you enjoy them.

The first is the Puli dog.  This little dog’s hair is a lot like dreadlocks, but are called “cords.”  They start to form when the pup is nine months old and require extensive grooming to keep the hair from matting.  Although I’ve never had a dog, this one looks particularly cuddly.

This next is a baby pacifier called “The Billy Bob.”  While amusing, I suppose, why would anyone want their baby looking like this?

Okay, and for the man who has everything, there’s always the “Potty Putter.”  Do people actually order these things?

This next one, the Psycho Shower Curtain, is right up my alley, although I’m sure it would make many of you uneasy.  It’s $22.99 at Amazon.

And last, but not least, we have the Mickey Mouse contacts.  Now if you can explain to me why anyone would wear these, please leave me a comment!

Okay, I guess I’ve messed with your mind enough for one day.   All I can say is, it’s an interesting world we live in, isn’t it?

News Musings…

Any time you want to be outraged, discouraged, offended or insulted, you needn’t go any further than your friendly newscast.  I always swore I’d never be one of those people who say, “I don’t know what the world is coming to!”  But you know what?  I don’t know what the world is coming to!  Honestly.

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A couple of days ago, on almost every news show I watched, reporters were speculating on whether or not Tiger Woods had entered a rehabilitation facility for his sex addiction problem.  They were showing photos taken with a telephoto lens of someone who could or could not be Tiger Woods at a facility.  They were having one expert after another talking about what an average day would be like, if indeed Tiger Woods, was at that kind of facility.  They were all breathless like this was really big news.  What I’d like to know is, why the hell is it any of our business? Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not some big Tiger fan.  In fact, I think he’s a bum and he did wrong.  But, he was found out and has had to pay the consequences.  Does this give the American public the right to stick their noses into his business for the rest of his life? I think not.  I have more important things to think about.  Leave the man alone!

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Reports have recently revealed that today’s young people spend almost 8 hours a day either talking on cell phones, texting or on social networking sites, such as Facebook.  I ask you, how sad is that? What kind of people are these children and teenagers going to grow up to be?  Will they never know the satisfaction of talking to people face-to-face?  Instead of gazing into their beloved’s eyes, will they propose marriage via text message?  Will they never know the joy of writing or receiving a letter written on paper? Will the younger ones among them never get to experience the exhilaration and excitement of playing hide and go seek after dark because they’re too busy maintaining their Facebook pages?  All I can say is that I pity them.

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Michelle Obama, speaking to the Conference of Mayors, announced that next month she’s going to launch an “obesity initiative.”  She’s concerned that Americans are too fat and is determined to do something about it.  She said that a recent study found that “obesity could now be an even greater threat to America’s health than smoking.”  (As a former smoker, I have to predict that, no matter HOW big a threat it is, I can assure you that fat people won’t be forced to go outside to eat their Twinkies!  Only smokers have to endure being treated like second-class citizens!)

Her initiative will be rooted in four key areas.

1. Healthy lunches, healthy schools.  (Aren’t schools already doing this?)

2. Physical education. (Was this already taken out of the schools and no one told me?)

3. Access & affordability to healthy foods.  (This has been around forever.  It’s called a garden.)

4. A consumer campaign to publicize this issue.  (Care to guess who’s going to pay for this? )

My irritation here lies in the fact that I don’t believe we need to government to tell us how to eat.  People know what’s good for them and what’s not.  People will lose weight if and when they choose.  The last time I looked this was supposed to be a free country.  And besides, what with the economy going down the toilet, the jobless rate rising, people losing their homes to foreclosure, and the crisis in Haiti, don’t you think there are more important things the First Lady could be concentrating on?  If nothing else, she could start searching for some dresses with sleeves!

Just sayin’

Premature Exultation!

One day this week, after feeling like literal hostages in our own homes, due to the weather, my bud, Babs, and I decided to bust out and have one of our “rambling days.”  These usually consist of going out for a good breakfast, then just letting our car go where it will.  We generally end up exploring new neighborhoods and parts of town and stopping at the odd store or two.  The joy lies in the spontaneity.  And after suffering from cabin fever for so long, we were both primed and ready!

We were deep into a cozy, tree-filled neighborhood when Babs yelled, “Stop!”  I stopped the car in the middle of the road and turned to see what had captured her attention.  There, in the back yard of a house was a large deer, standing there staring straight at us.  We stared back until she decided we weren’t a threat and then continued to mosey around the yard, picking at vegetation here and there.  When I finally started to roll forward again, I saw a second deer on the other side of the house, this one a baby.  It, too, was poking around as if it didn’t have a care in the world.  Although I’ve often seen deer around my own house, the novelty of seeing them in residential areas never ceases to fill me with wonder.

Later in the day we came across not one, but two houses whose yards were absolutely filled with geese!  What was really odd was the fact that neither of these houses was near a lake!  All these geese brought back memories of my cousin Barbara’s pet duck, Ricky, (named after Ricky Nelson, an old rock and roll singer.) When we were young girls, we used to love to fill up the wading pool, put on an Elvis Presley record, and then get in the wading pool with Ricky and gyrate around doing what we considered to be rock and roll.  We would dance around while Ricky would stand there opening and closing his beak, making it look like he was singing the Elvis song. We thought it was hysterically fun.  But, Ricky was always the last duck standing because he would inevitably poop in the pool, sending us screeching to jump out, only to slide and fall on duck poop outside the pool.  If you’ve never encountered it barefooted, let me assure you that duck poop on grass is one of the slickest substances known to man (or little girls in their bathing suits!)

Anyway, in the midst of our wanderings, we ended up by a park where we sometimes walk the track in the summer.  On impulse, I turned into one of the parking places, looked at Babs and said, “Dare we?”  She picked up my eagerness and said, “Why not?”  So we got out of the car.  Now you’d think that maybe we would have gotten a clue by the fact that we couldn’t figure out how to get onto the track because it was surrounded by a tall snow drift that would have meant snow up to our knees if we had stepped in.  But NOOO!  Not the Nature Girls!  We got back into the car and drove around to a side parking lot where we could gain access.  We jumped out of the car with the joy of elementary school kids getting out for recess.  Neither one of us had on a decent coat.  The temperature was under 40 degrees.  But all we could think about was how much we had missed walking like this.  The cement trail was covered in snow in places, so we took detours through the grass.  At one point we couldn’t see a clear place at all, and decided to take another part of the trail we’ve never taken before.  We turned and walked maybe six steps when we were simultaneously hit by an arctic wind.  And this wind was not just cold, it was like a knife trying to slice the skin off of our faces!!!!  It had a ferocity that scared me. I think I even felt my heart stop for a moment.   I turned and said, “Babs, do you think…?” but she was ahead of me, and said, “Let’s get our asses back to the car!”

Now if this were a movie, I would show us trudging to the car like two explorers on the North Pole, covered with frost, struggling against a blizzard that threatened to blow us over.  It was that hard! We were like people who had swum out to the middle of a lake but didn’t have enough energy to swim back.  The car was SO FAR AWAY! We started back slowly, but desperation was making us do this little shuffle-run.  Both of my eyes were welled up in tears and, behind me I could hear Babs making these little “woofing” noises.  Right before we stepped into the car, I heard something hard hit the concrete and bounce.  I’m pretty sure that one of our nipples froze and fell off.

But, to tell you the truth, I’ve been afraid to look…