When I Am Queen – #2

I believe the time has come for more pronouncements.  So…

When I am Queen:
- I’m pulling our soldiers out of all foreign wars and bringing them back home.  Too many have died and we seem no closer to changing anything.  As Queen, I realize that each one of these brave soldiers is someone’s son, daughter, sister, brother, mother, father or friend.  Others in power often forget that.  I don’t.  It’s time to take care of our own.

When I am Queen
- I will also be cutting off aid to many of the countries to which we now send millions of dollars.  With the kind of national deficit we presently have in our country, we have problems of our own which should take priority.  It’s not that I don’t care, but rather that I believe my own people should be taken care of first.  Once the debt has been paid and my people are enjoying economic prosperity, I’ll consider aid to other countries.  Besides, I resent sending aid and support to so many countries who badmouth us.  There will be no more of that in my reign!  If they want something from the United States, there will have to be some major kissing up!

When I am Queen
- if you’re caught texting while driving, your driver’s license will be revoked for one year, no exceptions.  Your brain and eyes belong on the road.  Drive or text, you must chose one or the other.  The life I’m saving may be my own!

When I am Queen
- the television networks won’t be allowed to put every single good show on Thursday night.  Here’s what I’m talking about, at 7:00 p.m. is “Survivor,” “Flash Forward” and “Bones.” At 8:00 p.m. is “Fringe” and “Grey’s Anatomy.” And at 9:00 p.m. is  “The Mentalist” and “Private Practice.” I mean, come on, people!  The Queen wants to watch ALL of those shows! What’s a Monarch to do?  When I’m in charge, I expect you to spread them out somewhat – drop one on Wednesday and maybe squeeze one in on Friday.  There are many nights just screaming for something decent, the least you can do is plan better.  And you will…if you know what’s good for you!

When I am Queen
- marshmallow Peeps will be available all year long, not just on Easter, Halloween and Christmas.  There’s something about taking a bite out of a peep that definitely calms the nerves.  They could replace Valium!

Any comments?  Agree?  Disagree?  If not, you may return to your regularly scheduled activities.

Queen-To-Be

On Cloud Patrol #9

I’ve gotta tell ya, the clouds are NOT making things easy for me lately!  I go out on cloud patrol and there are all kinds of fluffy clouds, but, what are they doing?  Absolutely nothing!  They’re totally lazy!  They’re fat and they lack any imagination.  But, after a few days, I did manage to scrape up four that I’m going to run by you.  They may not be the best you’ve seen here, but at least you know that I’m making an effort!

In case you’ve ever wondered how aliens know where to rendezvous, this will inform you.  Here they’ve quite plainly done an “x marks the spot” thing to alert others who are in the vicinity.  The cool thing about this is that it’s right over my house! I’ll let you know if I see any ships or flying saucers.

This next one is simply a baby unicorn chasing a blowing wisp of cotton. His head is right in the middle and his horn is that short thing on top of it.  (I told you he was a baby!)

This next one is an alien throwing pick-up-sticks in the sky.  The alien is way in the upper left-hand corner.  You mainly can see his head, but he’s got a huge pick-up-stick in his right hand and he’s holding it in the air.  See him?  He’s there, you just have to work on it.

And finally this last one is either where the sky has been injured and has stitches, or else is where the sky is zipped up by God.  I think I prefer the latter explanation.

So, did you see any?  And before you go saying that these aren’t of the caliber of my usual collection, remember this – I can only work with what God gives me.  If you don’t like it, talk to Him.  (And, if you do, tell Him I said “Hi!”)

Meanwhile, as always, keep your eyes on the skies!

A Flu Shot…And More

I woke up Monday with one mission in mind – to get a flu shot!  I decided to start my search at CVS’s Minute Clinic, since they had been so easy to deal with when I had my pink eye.  The good news was that they did have the serum.  The bad news was that there were seven people ahead of me.  I figured that if they were all getting flu shots, the wait wouldn’t be that long.  I figured wrong because, it soon became obvious that there were really sick people there.

Sitting in one of the waiting chairs was a pale woman bent forward, almost curled in on herself.  She stood out because she had a wool muffler wrapped around her head beneath her nose.  The reason soon became clear as she was wracked with spasms of uncontrollable coughing.  She looked so miserable that my heart went out to her.  I remember times, waiting for a prescription, when I’ve been so sick that it was all I could do to keep from falling out of the chair.  It was really considerate of her to have her mouth covered like that.  I wondered if she already had the flu. The only spare chair was next to her, which I thought might be inviting trouble.

So I stood (for a long time,) alternately looking at the magazine rack and a shelf of “As Seen On TV” products.  (Did you know they make Snuggies for dogs?  Yes, they do!  How sad is that?)

Eventually, the young woman right ahead of me on the wait list, who was another “standee,” struck up a conversation.  Turns out she was there for eczema on her hands, which looked red, raw and painful.  She works at Hardee’s and is always handling money and thus, always using hand sanitizer.  She was wondering if CVS took Medicaid because it was the only insurance she had.  But that wasn’t the worst part.  She was a single mother of three with neither of two fathers contributing to the household.  But even that wasn’t the worst part.  One of the fathers was gone because she had discovered, when she was nine months pregnant, that he had been abusing her 12-year-old daughter!   When I asked her if he had been arrested, she said, “no.”  Then she went on to tell me that she was trying to prepare her 12-year-old for a pretty slim Christmas because once the bills were paid each month, they had $20 left.  After this barrage of information, I felt like shielding my ears before I broke down in tears.  Fortunately, at that moment, her name was called, because I don’t think I could have taken much more of her life story.

But, after I got my shot and left, I couldn’t stop thinking about her.  I mean, I know I’m blessed, but after an encounter like that, I give extra thanks for my blessings.  Suddenly, all those rules I’ve followed all my life seem to have really paid off.

I wonder what it must feel like to live her life?  I know some people get themselves into these kinds of situations through bad decisions, but what I’m wondering is – how do they ever get themselves out?  She’s a high school dropout, working as a fast-food cashier and trying to provide for a one-year-old, two-year-old and twelve-year-old.  How does she begin to change things?  How could she go back to school or find another job?  Or will she just find another man to help, and end up with a fourth baby?  It seems pretty hopeless to me.  It also makes me sad.

Well, enough drama for now.  And to think – all I wanted was a lousy flu shot!

Stay well,

I Think It’s Fall…

So, how can I tell?  First, there are the sunrises.  When I step out on my balcony first thing in the morning, there is a definite nip in the air.  And the sun slowly, silently eases upward, its deep gold hues making the trees look like a delicate lace edging on the horizon.  The chill reminds me that winter is just around the corner.

And, what was once green, is now smothered by leaves…

And, speaking of leaves, here is the over-achiever of the season.

This tree has almost completed its strip tease.  Those few leaves at the tip-top branches are the tree’s equivalent to a G-string and pasties!  Naughty, naughty tree!

And finally, I can tell Fall is here and Winter’s coming because the birds which are left are very crabby.  I heard this one saying, “Damn!  I hate the thought of that long flight to Miami!  Maybe I’ll hang on a few more days.”

Yep, Fall is here.  It’s time to batten down the hatches and brace ourselves for what lies ahead…namely, non-stop, inane Christmas advertising!   Are you ready for it?  I know I’m not!

Stay warm!

Past Week News…

Well, as usual, I have some definite opinions on the news lately…

First of all, let’s get the garbage out of the way.  That would be Levi Johnston.  This is the scum who was married to Sarah Palin’s daughter, and who is now making the circuit of all the media outlets to badmouth the Palin family.  He has accused Palin and her husband of being bad parents, being on the brink of divorce and any other dirt he can fabricate with that pile of mush that passes for his brain.  On the “Early Show” he said he wasn’t “into hurting people,” but feels justified in his media offensive and also claims he’s holding back some huge things about the former Alaskan governor.

This cretin is betraying people who treated him like family, and is trying to parlay his time in the spotlight into a career as a media star.  He’s been interviewed by Vanity Fair.  He has filmed a commercial.  And, in August he said he would pose nude for the right price, which apparently Playgirl offered him because he’s doing a layout.  His manager says he is 90% sure that Johnston will exhibit full frontal nudity.  What a wonderful legacy he’ll be leaving for his son.  One can only wonder what he’ll do next for attention – have sex with animals?  I wouldn’t put it past him…especially if the price is right.

On a brighter note, Consumer Reports came out with their 2009 Reliability Ratings with the car rating number one being…ta dah,  the Toyota Scion! My little Jilly was so excited (and honored) by this that she insisted on doing a photo shoot.

Of course, the magazine hastened to add that Scions aren’t the safest cars because of their small size, but I believe that’s just subcompact discrimination, pure and simple.  As a Scion owner, I can testify that what they lack in brawn, they make up for in brains, and they’re pretty nimble in getting out of the way of bigger vehicles.  So there!  Congratulations to little Scions everywhere!

And finally, in the last “American Idol” competition I confess I was an Adam Lambert fan from week one.  For me, he was always light years ahead of the other contestants in terms of talent, creativity and uniqueness.  So, even though he came in second, in my heart, he was the winner.  Well, this past week the cover of his CD has been released, causing quite a furor.  Adam has always been very savvy in responding to questions about his sexuality, so it really isn’t that shocking that his androgynous nature is reflected on his CD.  Some are afraid that men would be hesitant to purchase it, but I don’t know.  Sure, he has his makeup on, but he always did.  He’s going for a retro feel which I think he captures perfectly.  As for me, I still find him to be a sexy guy, so, if that makes me as weird as he is, so be it.  Here’s the cover.  Judge for yourself.

Have a great day!

Halloween Time!

Well, we’ll be closing down October with Halloween on Saturday.  I have mixed feelings about this holiday.  I’m not too crazy about the whole trick or treating aspect, but I do love the costumes and the idea of scary stuff.  So, I searched around and came up with a couple of things in the Halloween spirit to share.

This first is a video of a segment of the “Ellen” show where she’s sharing viewers’ videos showing someone being scared.  The middle part (at about 1:24) is my favorite because every time I see it, I can’t stop laughing.

I know that wasn’t all that scary, so, in the spirit of the holiday, here’s a monster I really like!

Scary, yes, but he’s probably really nice.

Anyhow…HAPPY HALLOWEEN Y’ALL!

The New Neighbor – First Impressions

Remember the older man I saw moving in next door who always seemed angry?  Well, I finally met him in person.  Before I tell you about him, let me map out the situation first.  In our four attached townhouses, this is the neighbor next to me whose front door faces mine across two porches.  So, due to that proximity, I’m always anxious as to who will be living there.

Okay, so like I said, I met him last week when I was returning from the mailbox and we stood and talked for about twenty minutes.  So, here’s what he’s not:

1) He’s not a retired Mafia Don.  (And I was SO SURE!)

2) He’s not crabby all the time.  He didn’t once crab when I was talking to him.

3) He’s not alone.  Apparently his 23-year-old (invisible?) son lives with him.

4) He’s not McDreamy, McSteamy, the Mentalist or Sawyer from “Lost.”  (A woman can dream, can’t she?)

What he is is:

1) A father.

2) A Fed-Ex employee.  (This could come in handy if I need directions to somewhere!)

3) A former apartment dweller. (For 13 years.)

4) Divorced.

5) A seemingly nice man.

So, that’s all I know for now.  Sure, it could have been better, but it could have been a whole lot worse, too. (Remember the last Evil Neighbors and their big pooping, yucca-killing dog?)

All in all, I’d say I’m hopeful.  So, I guess I’ll let him stay…for now.

But, mind you, he’s on probation!

My eBay Experience

In my post, “The Quiet Tycoon,” I wrote about my friend Iris’s success on eBay and talked about putting these boots up for bid and trying my hand at selling.

Since this was my first try, I had to poke around eBay a bit to learn how one went about being a seller, what exactly was required, what the fees were, etc., etc.  Before writing my ad,  I scouted Miss Capezio boots to see if others were listed.  I found two identical pairs in different sizes, both listed as “Buy It Now,” one for $159 and one for $179.  One listing even showed multiple pictures of Brittany Spears wearing these exact boots!

That got me to thinking, so in my ad I added “This is a rare, greatly sought-after style which is selling elsewhere on eBay for over $100, so grab these while you can!” I figured it couldn’t hurt and might help.  I set my starting price at $24.99, since they were, after all, used boots.  I made a point of the fact that there were no refunds or returns and thus, added many pictures, including one of the bottom of the sole. I also set the auction to run for 7 days.

After I had them listed, I sent the link to Iris, who thought it looked good.  Then I sat back and waited…and waited.  It took at least two days before I had my first bid…for $24.99.  By then I was wishing I had set the starting price higher so that I could get at least $40 for them.  Days went by with no action.  Then I got an email from an interested party offering me $40.00 if I would sell them to her right then and end the auction.  It was tempting, but didn’t feel right, so I resisted and encouraged her to simply bid on them.  Still, nothing more happened.

On day six of the seven day auction, Iris emailed me excitedly, saying, “You’ve got TWO bids!”  But the price was only $30 at this point.  Iris predicted that I’d hit forty before it ended, but I had my doubts.

The last day was when it got fun.  Little bids would dribble in, but nothing dramatic…until the last five minutes. By now, Iris and I were on the phone together, both at our computer screens, hootin’ and hollarin’.   Every time a bid would register on her computer, she’d shout “Woo hoo!”   She was clearly having a blast giving a running narration, “You’ve got 7 bids, no wait, make it 8!”  During the last minute I got 10, then 11, then 12 then 13 bids, the last winning the boots for $56.00!!!!   Woo-hoo, indeed!

It may not sound like much money to you, but here’s how I look at it. For almost twenty years I have moved those boots from house to house, where they have ended up sitting on a shelf in my closet.  I clearly was never going to wear them again.  Now I have more space and $56.00!  It’s like free money!

The boots have been shipped and now I’ve taken to walking around my house and peering into closets, looking for unusual treasures to sell.  Why, you might ask?

Well, because I think I’ve been bitten…by the eBay bug!

Bits & Pieces #11

Hi y’all!  No big dramas happening right now, but lots of little stuff – thoughts, rants, you-name-it, floating around in my brain, so I thought I’d share a bit.

First of all, there’s the flu shot thing.  My friend, Babs and I planned to get our flu shots together last week.  At the last minute, my doctor told me that since I had just had outpatient surgery, I had to wait thirty days to get mine.  Okay, fine.  It didn’t make me happy because I’m a big believer in flu shots, not having had the flu in years, but, I figured I’d just have to bite the bullet.  However, I wanted Babs to get hers, at the very least.  So, off we went to CVS, where we found a small line and only had to wait about 20 minutes.  After her shot, Babs told me that she asked the doctor how their vaccine supply was and she said they had plenty.  (Oh yeah, and while I was waiting, a woman sneezed on me, making the whole “not-getting-a-shot” thing a little more difficult to swallow!)

At any rate, Bab’s husband had called his doctor and was told they were out of the vaccine and weren’t getting any more in.  So she sent him to CVS the next morning, where he was told they were saving what vaccine they had left for sick patients and pregnant women.  Sick patients?  Wouldn’t it be a little late for them?  And pregnant women?  This was for the regular flu, not H1N1.  Doesn’t that seem a little unfair?  Anyway, later that same day, my friend Iris went to that same CVS store, only to find a sign on the door saying they were completely out!  She checked Walgreens and a couple of more places, all to no avail.  So, what worries me is that on October 30th when I’ll be cleared to get my shot, will there be any shots left in my city?  Or am I just doomed?  Will my “Bits & Pieces” end at 11?  Sob!

Second thing – When I was pulling my jeans out of the washing machine to put in the dryer, something clattered onto the floor.  It was one of my computer flash drives!  My first thought was, “say goodbye to that drive!”  After I got the dryer going, my curiosity overcame me and I went upstairs and popped it into one of my laptops.  Guess what?  That drive went through the entire wash cycle and didn’t lose one iota of information!  Is that cool, or what?

Third thing – The writer of one of the blogs I’ve read for years is going through some huge problems right now that are affecting not only her mental and emotional health, but her physical health as well.  I’ve never met this woman personally, but I find myself worrying about her…a lot.  That’s what this blogging world does to you.  She has been a daily read for me for so long that I feel I know her and her family.  She’s made me laugh and cry and now she’s going through this horrible nightmare of a time, and there’s nothing I can do for her.  On a lot of her recent posts, she has closed her comments, so there’s not even that.  Isn’t it amazing that the written word can be so powerful as to bring people together from all over the world?  I guess all I can do is keep her in my prayers and ask any of you who have room in your heart for a stranger, to send a good thought to Shannon.  Thank you.

And last – Naturally, I’d like to leave you on an “up” note, so I’m going to share a picture I came across that always makes me smile.

Hope it made you smile, too!

Not This Time…

There are so many self-help books and self-proclaimed “life coaches” who do the talk show circuits, trying to tell us all how to live, that it’s easy to simply tune all that stuff out.  I mean, how many times can you hear “Be yourself,” without wanting to scream “WHO ELSE can I be?!!!!”  But, as I go through life, there are certain little gems that have stuck with me that I pull out now and then to help me get by.  One in particular that I’ve been using lately is one I’m determined to hang on to and try to incorporate into my life all the time.

This piece of wisdom goes something like this:  You can’t control someone else’s behavior.  You can’t change someone else.  And you can’t always control the circumstances in which you find yourself.  The only thing you can control is how you’ll react. Therein lies your power.  This sounds so simple, but I am finding that it can make all the difference in the world to my attitude and my happiness.

Here’s an example.  Someone in my life promised me that they would never do a certain thing again, after I told them how hurtful it was.  And a few days ago, they turned right around and did it again.  At first, my body reacted instinctively with a sinking feeling of disappointment. I felt hurt and anger closing in fast, all feelings I had felt before when this happened, almost as if my body was on an automatic loop.  But, just as I was about to sink into despair, there was a pivotal moment when I said to myself, “NOT THIS TIME.” It was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain!  This time, instead of just standing there like a helpless victim, letting all this bad stuff wash over me,  I CHOSE to turn around and walk away from this little script.  I decided that I did nothing to deserve this bad treatment and therefore I would not let it become a part of my consciousness.  If that person wants to behave in a certain way, there’s nothing I can do about it, but I don’t have to be a party to it.  I chose instead to concentrate on the good, positive things in my life and the people who don’t feel a need to hurt me or test me.  And you know what?  It works!

Whether you apply this kind of magical thinking to an out-of-control child, a thoughtless husband or a sucky job, it CAN help.  I don’t mean you’ll immediately start loving the job or that the husband or child will suddenly transform themselves.  No, those things are out of your control.  But you can decide to take control of your reaction.  When someone is trying to book you a ticket for a guilt trip, tell yourself, “NOT THIS TIME.” When something doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, instead of dissolving into tears, stop yourself and say, “NOT THIS TIME,” and then channel that energy into making yourself a stronger person who’s simply not going to be beaten down!  The more you do this, the better it works and the more powerful you become in your own life.

Even though I’m sensitive, I don’t want to be someone who can be crushed by someone else’s whim.  And I won’t be.  I choose instead to be…

SUPERWOMAN!

Think about it.  It might just work for you, too.