Ponderings…

Lately we’ve been going through a series of very intense rainstorms, day and night.  They’re the type during which you have to turn on lights mid-morning because it’s so dark outside.  For some reason weather like that finds me musing over things more than usual.

For example, the morning after the storm, I noticed that the birds in my tree were emerging very cautiously, one by one, rather than indulging in their usual raucous sunrise gathering.  They were very quiet, constantly looking around, as if ready to dodge for shelter at the first sign of another downfall.  I wonder if the birds think it’s the end of the world each time the day turns black and thunder and lightning rip through the skies.  Or, are their brains too small for that?  Do they live their lives always ready to accept whatever’s next?  Maybe they’re smarter than I think.

Another thought I’ve had is that there are some lessons in life that you need to learn over and over.  One I’m remembering is: “You can’t ‘make’ someone behave as you wish they would.”  The fact is that people will disappoint you in life more times than you’d like.  So then you simply must decide if the good outweighs the bad.  You really can’t change people.  They have to want to change themselves.  The thing I’ve got to fight is to keep myself from turning cynical.

Another thought was whether people who have never lived alone have any real idea what it’s like and what it takes.  When I think of my circle of friends, I can only think of two who, like me, live alone rather than with a spouse or family member.  I’ve had many of my other friends say, “You’re so lucky that you don’t have to answer to anyone.”  And, they’re right, I am.  There are definitely many advantages to living alone, particularly if you have an independent nature.  You can do what you want when you want however you want.  You can piddle around all day without anyone asking, “whatcha doing?”  I love being able to follow my heart and inclinations without having to explain myself to anyone.

Having said that, there are moments, not often, but they’re there, when I feel a little too alone.  Maybe I’m not feeling well on a particular day and nobody knows and nobody cares.  Or it could just be that I’m feeling a little blue and could use a hug.  These kind of moments lead to my classic fear – “What if I fell down the stairs and gravely injured myself?  How long would it be before someone would notice I’m missing?”  Not exactly a comforting thought, but a fact of life for someone who lives alone.  People who always have someone there tend to take for granted the assurance that somebody will be there for them.  But, we who live solo lives are generally of a solid stock and we don’t often indulge that “what if.”  Nonetheless, I make a point of keeping up with those friends who are on their own.

And finally, I’ve lately found myself  asking the cliched question, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  I have a dear friend whom it seems just can’t catch a break in life.  She’s someone who has a strong faith in God, a incredibly generous heart and the courage to dream big dreams.  When she left one job, she took a leap of faith to try to start her own business and came so close to succeeding.  But, the poor economy and a stack of bills forced to her to look for full-time employment.  She took a job which would have given her the opportunity to use her expertise in a certain field, only to discover too late that it was a case of “bait and switch.”  And now she’s stuck underemployed.  She fought breast cancer successfully only to be lately diagnosed with Lupus.  Where does it end? This is a woman of so many talents and such a lovely spirit and it’s all she can do to keep on keeping on.  Meanwhile I see all these Hollywood types who have never done an honest day’s work in their lives going on all the talk shows, exercising their giant egos and just getting richer and richer.  Where’s the justice?  I pray for my friend every single morning, but I just wish there was more I could do.

Anyway, the sun has finally come out again and despite all these ponderings and concerns, I know I’m lucky and I never stop giving thanks for all the ways I’ve been blessed.  I guess the best any of us can do is live life one moment at a time and make each one count.