Inspired by the weather where I live, I’ve been giving some thought as to what hell might be like. I know there are descriptions in the Bible and other scholarly works, but we don’t really have any first-hand accounts, do we? I’ve come up with three possibilities…
Hell could be being forced to spread tar on an interstate highway under the beating sun with humidity so thick and oppressive that the heat index is 110 degrees. This is the kind of humidity that makes your clothes damp and sticky after the merest exposure and, before long, sweat is dripping from your forehead into your eyes faster than you can wipe it away. Humidity like this crouches on your chest, making each breath an effort, and you can feel your movements get sluggish, as if you were struggling to swim through maple syrup. And, any time you slow down, the foreman throws a blanket on your shoulders! Enduring this scenario every minute of every day forever would truly be hell.
Another version of hell (and one I can personally attest to,) is suffering through a toothache that, with each thundering throb, sends excruciating pain crashing through your entire body. That alone is terrible enough. But, true hell is having that toothache last unremittingly through the night. This is the kind of toothache that even the “good” pain pills can’t touch. It’s the kind that has you walking the floor in the small hours of the night, feeling totally wretched and alone in the world. There is only you and the Pain. It’s so bad that you find yourself sticking a fingernail hard into your gum, in the hope of drowning out one kind of pain with another. You want to scream…you’re already crying. Picture this going on for eternity and you have hell.
My original third thing was rather sad, but after re-reading the above, I’ve realized this whole post could turn into hell. So I’ve decided to lighten it up a bit. So, okay, how about this:
Hell is being stuck in a very small room with “It’s A Small World” playing on an endless loop in the background. You are boxed in by people on all sides. One is a grossly overweight sweaty man with serious body odor and sardine breath, who happens to be a close-talker. Another is a woman who insists on sharing a scrapbook of when her son was a baby. (He’s now a 28 year old balding bookkeeper in Poughkeepsie.) There’s a photo of every single step of his development and keepsakes such as his first tooth and his dried umbilical cord. (“Go ahead! Touch it!”) On your other side is a man with a very productive cough who never covers his mouth. And, with every spasm, dandruff drifts from his head like snow. There are twenty-five small children running manically around, periodically crashing into you, while a huge dog tries to bury his nose in your crotch when he isn’t drooling all over your feet. Add to that a TV showing the “Smilin’ Bob” male enhancement commercial over and over and that, my friends, is my totally mind-blowing, fingernails-down-the-blackboard version of hell!
The possibility that any of these could be true is enough to keep me on the straight and narrow, just in case, if you know what I mean. But maybe everybody’s version of hell would be different. Care to give yours? Feel free! That’s what the comments are for! I love it when you share!
Be good!
