Airport Security? Impossible.

So, if you decide you want to fly out of this country, you have to submit to either an “aggressive” full body pat-down…or else, have your whole body scanned by an imagine machine.

You have a choice of which, but you must submit to one or the other or you’re not going anywhere.  Most of my friends who fly have told me they go with the scanner because it’s easier and faster than the pat-down.  If I still flew (I don’t) I’m not so sure that’s what I would want.  I’ve read that these machines are so sensitive that the viewer (a stranger,) can determine whether or not a man has been circumcised!  I just don’t want to get that “up close and personal” with the airport personnel!

Sure, the pat-down involves being touched in private areas, but at least I can stare the “patter” in the eyes while this is going on.  She won’t be able to make snide comments to her cronies in some back room while she’s doing it.  I just feel it enables the passenger to maintain a little more dignity – not much, but a little.

But, here’s what I find ridiculous about this whole thing.  Here’s a quote I found by the Associated Press in the paper the other day:  “Some passengers and flight crews are fearful the imaging machines emit an unhealthy dose of radiation.  The government insists they’re safe, but agreed on Friday to let uniformed pilots skip the screening.”

Two things struck me about this.  One is that it sounds like the government wouldn’t want the pilots to get an unhealthy dose of radiation (if they’re wrong,) but couldn’t care less about the passengers.  I know they’re assuming that the pilots fly much more frequently than the general public, but what about the rest of the flight crew?  It’s okay to gamble with their exposure?  And what about frequent fliers – people who travel on business almost every day?  What makes the government single out pilots as the only exceptions?  And if it’s so safe, why make an exception at all?

The other thing about this that sent up red flags for me is the phrase, “let uniformed pilots skip the screening.”  Is it just me, or does that sound like a “how-to” instruction for the terrorists?  Want to get something on the plane?  Wear a pilot’s uniform!  I mean, seriously?  You think they won’t try it?  It’s ridiculous.

Either require everyone, and I mean everyone, to go through some kind of screening or else no one.  Otherwise you’re leaving a hole in the security system that makes all this other stuff a moot point.

At least that’s how I see it.

 

 

 

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Fakin’ It Till I’m Makin’ It!

Well, unless you’ve been living under a rock the past few days, you know that the Christmas season has kicked in big time.  Already I’ve been hearing carols on the radio and seeing the sentimental commercials on TV showing families gathering for heartwarming holiday celebrations.  It has to get to you, right?  Well, for some of us, it gets to us, but not exactly in a good way.  It gets to us more in a way that shows us what we’ve lost or for some, have never had.  But, not to  worry!  I’m not going to boo-hoo all over you just because I’ve lost my family, miss one of my best friends and have had the worst five months of my entire  life.   Nope, I was intending to crawl into a little hole and become a “holiday hermit” for the month of December.  I was going to unplug the phone and avoid being around anyone who was particularly happy. That way I wouldn’t suffer in comparison.

But I’ve rethought my plans.  After all, it’s difficult surviving if you never leave the house to go to the grocery store!  Anyway I read once that if you’re feeling unhappy, you should put a smile on your face anyway and “pretend” to be happy.  According to the study, if you do that, eventually you will, indeed, start to feel happy.  I know, I know, it sounds pretty lame to me, too.  But these people did STUDIES, I tell you!  Anyway, it’s worth a try.  I’m not saying I’ll be walking around with a stupid fake smile on my face, but I’m going to really try to pretend that I have some Christmas spirit.

For instance, I wasn’t going to do any decorating in my home this year at all – not inside or outside.  Just not in the mood.  Too depressed.  But one of my dearest friends and I have a ritual of having our own little Christmas party and she ordered told me that I had to do at least one thing to establish a Christmas ambiance.  Okay.  I thought about it and it wasn’t hard to decide what to do, due to the fact that I’m an absolute sucker for blinky lights.  I put up my bedroom and living room Christmas trees.  Both of these trees have special “chasing lights” that you can program to blink in different patterns.  I love turning off all the lights and watching them. It creates a neat atmosphere.  So, I put aside my Scrooge-ness and put them both up Thanksgiving day.

And, of course, while unpacking the tree, I ran into my Peanuts nativity scene which I’ve had for almost a thousand years, and decided it had to be put out, too.  Surely you can see why.

I think that will be it for me this year, but I’m going to continue this experiment.  If people out in public wish me “Merry Christmas!” I’ll resist the urge to say what I’m feeling (“Uh-huh  Whatever.”) and instead smile and say, “Thank you.”  If someone asks me if I have big plans with my family, I won’t smirk and say, “As if!”  Instead I’ll smile and say “Oh yes, very big plans.” (Even if those plans are to never see each other again.) Yes indeedy, you’re gonna be so proud of me!  I’m going to fake it until I make it…or die trying.

So, are you starting to feel the Christmas spirit yet?  I know I am!  Smile.  Smile.  Smile.

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Five Good Things #6

The formal holiday of Thanksgiving may be over, but, in reality, we all should be giving thanks every single day for all we are given.  And the holiday did serve to remind me that, what with all my trials lately, I hadn’t done a “Five Good Things” post in quite a long time.  So I want to remedy that right now.  Here goes:

1) Eyesight – Even with my double vision heartache, not a morning goes by that I don’t thank God that I can still see.  I thought I knew how precious sight was before, but now I’m hyper-aware!  I think of people who were born blind who will never see a sunrise or sunset, and my heart breaks for them.  I think of people who, through accident or disease, lose their sight later in life and thus know exactly what they’re missing, and I can’t begin to imagine how they cope.  So, every single day I give thanks because I know what a gift it is.

2) Beef – I don’t know what I’d do without it.  In my mind it’s the best meat out there.  You use it in tacos, spaghetti, chili, meatloaf, and as steaks and pot roast. It’s what gives me strength and energy and hardly a day goes by that I don’t have it in some form.  I know vegetarians are probably sickened by this declaration of love, but, quite frankly, I don’t care.  So many meals I love are beef based.  So in that ad where Sam Elliott says, “Beef, it’s what’s for supper,” he’s most likely talking about my house!

3) Thank yous – It seems like such a small thing, but in today’s increasingly rude world, a “thank you” can make a world of difference.  Whether a stranger thanks me for holding a door or a friend for going out of my way for them, that small gesture makes it all worthwhile.  It’s nice to have your actions appreciated.

4) Heating pads – Okay, I could be playing the “old person” card again, but I LOVE my heating pad.  There’s just something so comforting about it.  On those evenings when I’m feeling a bit achy or my lower back is throbbing a bit, I can almost hear the seductive song of my heating pad singing “Star, plug me in and turn me on Darlin’ and I will bestow upon you soothing, healing, heat.”  And it does, every time.  Cuddling up to the heating pad can make me nod right off, reminding me as it does of when I was a small child and my mother used to rub my back and whisper how much she loved me.  If you’ve never had a heating pad, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it.  It’s a very good thing.

5) Unexpected surprises – Last Sunday morning I stepped quietly out into the darkness to check for the morning paper.  I looked up and was surprised to see three deer on the median of the street right in front of my house.  They looked up briefly and I held very still and then they resumed munching on grass or nuts or whatever it was they were having.  They were so very beautiful.  As I stood there, a movement caught my eye and I saw an animal’s head peek out at me from behind a tree on my side of the road.  At first I couldn’t make out what it was.  When it determined that I wasn’t coming after it, it resumed its vigil of staring at the deer.  Finally, the deer moved on and the creature slowly revealed itself.  It was Danger Cat!   I’ve written about him  HERE. I don’t know what he thought he was going to do to those deer, but he stealthily began to slink after them.  I had to laugh.  He’s always had big ideas of himself.  But anyway, it was a nice way to start the day.

So, those are mine, can you think of five?  Anyway, have a great day and remember how grateful I am for you.  Thank you for reading this blog.

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Offbeat Christmas Gifts

The idea for this post came from something I heard on the news that made my jaw drop.  But, after doing some research, I found out that it is absolutely true.  It seems that a man named Colin Hart is selling piggy banks made of actual piglets on his website!

Now I happen to be one of those people who like offbeat, weird things, but this grossed out even me!  I’m glad they don’t actually kill the piglets, but still… I think if I had one of those in my house, I’d always look at it and feel guilty. I mean, I’m a bacon lover!  I don’t need to be looking at that little face!  Buy hey!  At $4,000 apiece, how many is this guy going to sell?   I don’t think the pigs need to worry too much.

But here’s something for that friend who’s a fan of the French Revolution – a Marie Antoinette action figure!  It sells for only $10.16 at Amazon.com.  You press a button and her head comes off!  How cool is that?  She has a removable dress and wig.  If you remove the wig before pressing the button, her head will go even further.  Under the fancy dress she is wearing the peasant’s dress that she wore to the actual beheading.  So this is actually an educational gift.  Uh-huh.

Here’s another enchanting idea – the “Cat-A-Pult Kitty Flinger.”  This would be perfect for those boring afternoons in the office and if I were still working, I would totally have to get myself one of these.  You load the cats into the catapult gun and pull the trigger.  It propels the kitties up to 15 feet away!  Imagine a kitty landing in someone’s cubicle out of the blue!  Big fun, I’d say!  It sells for $11.48 at Amazon.

As usual, I’ve saved my favorite for last.  That would be the “Avenging Unicorn Play Set,” selling for $11.95 at Amazon.  The name practically says it all.  I’m sure unicorns are as sick as I am of all the clouds, princesses, castles, gooey, sweet, magical garbage they’re always being associated with.  And how satisfying is it that one of his victims is a mime?  But, my favorite part is the bit on the box that says, “4 Magical Horns – 3 Figures to Impale!”   Who wouldn’t love this?  And it comes with a Unicorn Code that ends with “and a unicorn never does drugs.”  Anyway, it might come in handy in lieu of a Voodoo Doll, if you know what I mean.  Imagine how happy I’d be someone would be to find this under the Christmas tree!

So, I’m sure I’ve got your brains percolating by now, realizing all of the people you could make happy this Christmas by not buying the same-old, same-old gift.  So I’ll just bring this to a close by saying, “Happy Shopping!”

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Down The Rabbit Hole…

I can honestly say that Alice in Wonderland had nothing on me.  This past Thursday I entered a land of unreality and am, even now, wondering what will become of me.  I am referring, of course, to my visit with the oculoplastic surgeon, the man I had hoped would wave his magic scalpel and cure my four-month-long double vision.

The doctor, let’s call him Dr. Lynx, was very nice, yet stopped short of coddling.  He did a series of tests and measurements and concluded that the muscles of both of my eyes were affected.  He reiterated that Grave’s Disease was an autoimmune disease caused by an overactive thyroid in which antibodies turn on you and start attacking vital organs.  If some attack the  muscles behind the eyes, they become inflamed, swell and often become rigid, triggering Grave’s Ophthalmopathy or Grave’s Eye Disease.  He said that about 50% of people who get one also get the other, which is a higher percentage than I had heard.

The important point he made was that controlling the Grave’s Disease does not affect or arrest the Grave’s Eye Disease, which simply has to run its course. This can take six to eighteen months…or longer.  So, even though my Grave’s Disease is under control now, the autoantibodies behind my eyes are apparently having a huge wild party which is in full swing.  (I hate them so much!)

He said that the good news is that he can do surgery on both eyes and correct the double vision.

He said the bad news is that it’s not going to happen anywhere near as fast as I was hoping.  He can’t perform the surgery while the disease is in its “active phase” which it still could be.  He took base readings of my eyes and eye muscles and will repeat those readings in six weeks, then six weeks later, then six weeks later.  He needs three readings which are identical before he can operate.  That’s the only way he’ll know that the disease has stabilized.  If next time the readings are worse, we start over.  Under the best of circumstances, if my math is correct, we’re talking about eighteen weeks or four and a half months! That’s longer than I’ve already lived with this and I’m about half mad already!

As he explained this to me, I sat there, stunned.  Tears welled up in my eyes and I said, “I was hoping that I could be normal again by Christmas.”  He looked sympathetic, but shook his head and said, “Nope.”  Then the time was up and as he left, I could see the medical assistant waiting for me in the hall, while I wiped my eyes and tried not to completely break down.  A part of me resented her and all the others who go about their daily lives seeing things normally.  They’re all so carefree.  Meanwhile, I can’t even drive without having half of my glasses patched!.  I’m finding I have to struggle a little more to get things in focus and seeing the TV doubled and my friends doubled and the world doubled is so exhausting.  And this is how I’m going to have to live for the foreseeable future.  I went in there with so much hope that my ordeal would be finally over.  I came out feeling the bottom had dropped out of my world.

You know, if my life was a movie, I’d be walking down the street and someone would throw a book or lamp or something out of a window, and it would hit me on the head.  I’d stagger and then proclaim, “Hallelujah!  My double vision is gone!”  But, with my present luck, it would also give me amnesia and then I wouldn’t be able to find my way home.

So anyway, that’s it, the whole miserable story.  If you’re looking for me this holiday season, check out the nearest rabbit hole.  Look down and you’ll see me falling…and falling…and falling…

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The Illusion of Safety

I’m writing this a little bit after the fact, but it’s one of those news stories I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.

In my city about a week ago at night, a man’s old van broke down on the side of the road, booming out backfires.  He got out quickly, fearing it would catch fire.

At that moment two police officers zoomed up, mistaking the van’s backfires for gunshots and immediately opened fire on the van.  The man who owned the van was standing there with his hands straight up, yelling that he wasn’t shooting at them, but they couldn’t hear him.  Besides the damage to the man’s van, the windows of the patrol car were also shot out by the officers as they were getting out.

Thank God the man was not injured.  The two officers have been put on administrative leave, pending an investigation.

So, what’s wrong with this picture?  In my mind…everything.

The idea that we have two officers who either thought they were some kind of action heroes or else so jumpy that they decided to shoot first and ask questions later, makes me feel very uncomfortable.  Apparently they took no time to assess the situation, namely, that the man was standing with his hands up, no gun in sight,  and that despite the loud noises from the van, no bullets were hitting their unit.  By reacting as if they were in the Valentine’s Day Massacre, they could have endangered any number of innocent bystanders with their flying bullets, not to mention hitting the guy standing there.  It’s embarrassing, and not a little scary.

I come from a police family, so I’m well aware of how a policeman puts his life on the line every time he answers a call.  And there are times he has to make snap judgments.  But, shooting out their own windows?  To me that suggests an zealousness to discharge their weapons that verges on dangerous!

The F.B.I. has a training exercise for recruits called Hogan’s Alley, in which the agents have to walk simulated darkened streets and react to things that suddenly pop up or appear in front of them.  At the end of it they find out how many innocent people they shot and whether or not the bad guy got them.  The goal is to hone their analytical skills under pressure.  Maybe we need something like that for our newer policemen.

And in this case I really feel for the victim.  I mean, is the city going to pay to repair all of the bullet holes in his van ?  They should.  The poor guy was really shook up, as well he should be, standing in the line of fire like that when his only crime was having a van that was experiencing a fart-attack.

So anyway, am I supposed to sleep easy now, knowing excitable cops like these are patrolling our streets?  I’m thinking…not so much.

 

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Santa, Please, Don’t Get Me These!

Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t want to think about it.  But, like it or not Christmas is only about five weeks away.  Desperate retailers are already moving up “Black Friday” and leaking some of their bargains early.  There is an advantage to getting in on this early in that you’ll probably save some money.  And then, if you plan to order on-line, you need to allow time for shipping.  I’ve already ordered a few presents, and ‘m trying to think of “just the right thing” for a couple more.

And, it’s at this time of year I always remember those gifts, you know the ones, where you unwrap them and say, “Oh.  Thank you?”  There’s just something about getting a gift that shows you that the giver has no idea who you are, that hurts.  So it really does pay to give each other lists.  For example, there are certain things that are never right for me…ever.  So I thought I’d throw out five of them here, in case Santa is trying to decide what to give me.

1) “Cute” sweatshirts. You know the ones, with kitties or puppies.  And that goes double for holiday sweatshirts as well.  I love sweatshirts, big ones, but I don’t want anything on the front except words. I know a lot of people really love these, but, quite frankly, I would die if I had to wear this.  Seriously.

2. Bath creams or lotions that smell like fruits or vegetables. Don’t laugh!  I’ve seen (and received) lotions that smelled like peaches, strawberries, kiwis, apricots, and cucumbers.  The last thing I want to do when I step out of the bathtub is to slather my body in something that makes me smell like a cucumber!  Or an apricot (which I don’t even eat!)  Heck, if I’m going to smell like food, then get me some that smells like a good medium rare steak or bacon!   I once tried to use up some peach lotion that was given to me, but it tended to trigger my gag reflex.  Enough said.  Flowers are good.

3) Candles. I know what you’re saying, “Who doesn’t love candles?”  Well, I love them…when there’s a power outage.  Unfortunately, for some reason, for me candles have always represented the “I-couldn’t-think-of-anything-else” gift.  I’ve even bought them for that reason, I’m ashamed to say.  But, unless they are very unique, they’re boring.  I’d rather have a slinky.  Oh wait, I already do.

4) Something for my walls. People have given me wall decorations in the past and it tends to make me very uncomfortable.  If you read this blog at all, you know that my house is a very personal refuge for me that reflects my tastes and personality.  I love decorating it myself.  Someone giving me pictures of cute kitties (see #1) or, God forbid, something like this are really playing with fire.  Hear me, Santa?  No more reindeer antlers!

5) Ugg Boots. These boots represent a phenomenon I’ll never understand.  I know they’re hot and you’ll see them on many models but, for the life of me, I can’t understand why.  Wearing these boots, your feet are making a statement that is simply not me.  They’re saying “Hi!  I’m Nanook of the North!”  If my footwear wants to say anything, I want it to be “Yes, I may be frivolous, but I’m cute, no?”  To me, they’ll always be “Ugg – ly.”

Okay, well that should give Santa a place to start.  Do any of you have certain things that are definitely on your “NO” Lists?  Hit “comment” and share them with me.  I’d love to hear them!  (And please, no preachy comments about “it’s the thought that counts.”  I’d like to hear you say that when you’ve just unwrapped a re-gifted fruitcake or The Clapper!)

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Bits And Pieces #25

My bits and pieces for today are totally unrelated in any way.  So, if one doesn’t interest you, just sit back and wait for the next.  You never know when you’ll learn something.  Or not.

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About six months ago I had a couple of ingrown eyelashes that were actually in my eye so I had to very carefully pluck them out.  No matter how careful I was, this left a gap in my lashes which I hated.  If you’re a woman who takes any pride in her lashes at all, you don’t want to go walking around with one eye that has lashes that look as if a curtain is open, instead of full and luxurious like they’re supposed to.  Enter Rapid Lash!

This eyelash and eyebrow serum is supposed to replenish lost lashes and eyebrow hair within four weeks, if used religiously every night.  All you do is wash your face, then “draw” a line of the serum across your eyelid where the lashes start.  That’s it.  I thought it was pretty pricey at $49.00 at CVS, but I was desperate.  Well, guess what?  It really works! Within three weeks I could tell my lashes were getting thicker and by four the missing lashes had been replaced.  I’ve gone through two tubes now and the lashes on one eye are so long that I almost need to trim them!  So hurray for a product that works!  (And by the way, I’ve since found I will be able to get it cheaper on-line and compared to Latisse, which runs $120 a tube, it’s a bargain.)  Just sayin’, if you have skimpy lashes, here’s your answer!

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Okay, this is a little “technical” bit.  I keep hearing people saying “I really like that blog you wrote about birds (or bras, or whatever.”)  My blog is not about just one thing.  A blog refers to the whole online journal of someone.  In this case, the BLOG is named “Star, Simplified.”  Each entry we add is called a post. So, a blog is made up of many individual posts.  Each post can be about different things.  So, I hope you like my blog and that you have different favorite posts I’ve written.  Okay? Class over now.

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If you all are like me, I’m sure you’ve had a time or two when a song, a melody or a commercial jingle gets stuck in your head and stays with you almost all day.  It can really drive you crazy.  Right?  Well, I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a whole week now and I don’t think it’s leaving anytime soon.  The funny thing is, in the lyrics there’s a phrase that says, “everybody wants some melodies that get stuck in your head.”  So maybe this whole thing goes way deeper than it initially appears.  Maybe this song is part of psychological warfare or something.  Anyway, I actually wake up hearing this song in my head!  It’s scary, but I can’t stop it!  So, being the good friend I am, I thought I’d put it here as a test case, so you could listen to it and see the words.  It’s called “Stuck Like Glue” by Sugarland.

Well?  This song is a testament to the power of repetition and rhyme.  Come back tomorrow and tell me it’s not still going through your head.  I dare ya!

 

 

 

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What Not To Say

Since I’ve been dealing with this Grave’s Disease and subsequent Grave’s Eye Disease with accompanying double vision for almost four months now, I’ve been thrown into contact with all sorts of people.  When they notice that half of my sunglasses is blacked out or we get to talking about my double vision, I’ve been amazed at the various things people will say to “comfort” me.

Now, I don’t expect total strangers to have the same kind of empathy as my friends, but still, I’ve heard some mighty strange things.

A gal at the hospital where I went for a test said, “Wow, I wouldn’t want to be you for anything!” I was stunned for a minute and then wanted to reply, “I wouldn’t either, but SOMEBODY has to be me!” But actually, she made me feel a whole lot worse than I felt before she had spoken.

Then there was a girl I was talking to in a waiting room who asked, “Aren’t you afraid that the double vision will never go away?  That you’ll always be like this?” And in one fell swoop she had summed up my biggest fear.  I answered, “Only all the time.”

But the prize winner came from a lady who works at my grocery store.  She overheard a checker asking how my vision was and launched into her story.  “Oh, I remember my Aunt started having trouble with her eyes.  At first she started having trouble reading.  Then it got to the point where she couldn’t knit or crochet anymore.  Finally, when she began to go blind, she couldn’t drive and was dependent on others to take her places.  She got so depressed that she finally died.” What does one say to something like that?  I just hurried to my car, hoping I could get home before I broke down.

But, being on the other side of this illness thing has really opened my own eyes to how I treat others going through an emotional or medical crisis.  One thing I’ve said a lot is “Oh, I know you’ll get through this,” or “Your faith will get you through this.” Now I’m not so sure that’s such a great thing to say, although it has been said to me many times lately.  For some reason when I hear it now, I hear it a little differently, more like, “I know you’ll get through this, (but God only knows what you’ll have to suffer before you do.” )  Sure, I’ll get through this, but it’s more because – what choice do I have?

Another thing to avoid saying is, “Things will get better.” When things didn’t “get better” for me, I started thinking that maybe for some reason it was my fault.  I mean the well-wisher was so sure.  So, am I the exception to the rule?

What I’ve learned that really helps is when someone says something that shows they care about ME, and about what’s happening to me.  This being scared every day is a lonely business.  One friend told me, “I really HATE that you’re having to go through this!  If I could take it away from you, I would!” That made me feel cared about.  Another said, “You may not believe it, but I think about you and pray for you every single day.  I really do.” That, too, I find comforting.  And my dear friend, Dee, said something that really stuck with me.  She said, “You’re the bravest person I know.  I can’t think of anyone else in my life who would be able to handle this the way you have.” Now THAT’s the kind of thing you say when you want to comfort someone!  Many times when I’m hitting a low point, I take out her words, as if they were prayer beads, and just remember them, over and over.

So, if the whole point of this trial has been for me to learn some lessons, it has succeeded.  The next time I deal with someone going through a crisis, I won’t presume to tell them, “Don’t worry, you’ll get through this,” because really, no one really knows what will happen.  I’ll try, instead, to make them feel understood and cared about.  And under no circumstances whatsoever will I ever say what my dad used to kiddingly say to me when I wasn’t feeling good, “I had a dog who had what you have.  He died, you know.”

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Dear Stephen King,

Dear Stephen, (I take the liberty of using your first name since I feel like I’ve known you for some thirty-six years, since your Carrie days and have contributed hundreds of dollars to your present comfortable financial situation.)

Where oh where do I begin in telling you how disappointed I am in you?

First off, let me say that, although I’m not your Number One Fan (I read Misery, after all,) I am probably pretty high up there on the list.  I remember back when you were a new author and all the buzz that accompanied your debut.  I remember countless water cooler conversations about Salem’s Lot and The Shining, to name only a couple.  But, it wasn’t until I picked up The Stand and ended up reading it all night long, jumping at every random sound in the house, that I truly bonded with you.

After that, I became a devotee, reading every book you wrote the moment I could.  I even went back and read the stuff you wrote under your Richard Bachman pseudonym .  Then I read your non-fiction – On Writing and Danse Macabre. I loved Cujo, The Tommyknockers, Duma Key and Under the Dome. I bought every one of the six episodes of your serialized The Green Mile. And, right when I thought things couldn’t get any better, I realized I had missed your “Dark Tower” series.  So I bought all seven of them, one by one,  thousands of pages, which immersed me in a world from which I never wanted to leave.  Seriously, when it was over, I missed the characters more than is rational.  I’ve even embraced some of your lesser-known books such as Gerald’s Game (which made me so tense that my muscles didn’t relax again for days) and Insomnia (which for some reason made me burst into tears in public more than once.) Maybe I identified with your work so much because we’re of the same generation.  When you made cultural references, I was right there.  When you had views on life and death, I felt you were speaking for me, too.

And then I bought my Kindle.  Actually, it was your fault I bought it.  In November, 2009, when Under The Dome came out, I was right there at the bookstore to get one of the first copies.  But, dude?  1,088 pages?  Have you any idea how heavy that sucker was to carry around?  I mean, hauling it to the doctor’s office or a hair appointment was like being saddled with a very chunky constipated baby!  It was a big-time hassle.  At that point I had been sitting on the fence about the Kindle, but decided then and there to order one.  Then I’d be prepared for your next magnum opus.

I took to the Kindle to the point where I now read all of my books on it.  One of the joys of the Kindle Store was that they advertised that no book would be over $9.99.  Then some publishers got a little greedy and a bit of a war ensued between them and Amazon.  The result was that Amazon would let some charge more, but would let the consumers decide if they wanted to pay it.  All this time I have found plenty of great books ranging from free to $9.99.  There were a couple of your older books I had missed which I was able to pick up for $4.00 or $6.00, and I remember thinking at the time how great it was that you were selling some of your older works for cheaper prices. Sure, a couple of my other favorite authors began charging more, so I immediately boycotted them, on the theory that there are enough wonderful books out there that one needn’t succumb to highway robbery.

Then I read about your new book, Full Dark, No Stars coming out this month.  I was so excited!  I hurried to the Kindle Store, only to discover that your newest book is selling for $14.99!!!  I was shocked.  Are you kidding me?  This is for an e-book, a digital transmission!  Your publisher has no printing, storage or distribution charges.  It is just “words in the air” and you want me to pay $15.00 for that?  Now I can hear you saying, “It’s not me.  It’s the publisher.”  But that doesn’t really wash with me.  I mean, you are Stephen Freaking King!  I think if you told your publisher that you wanted to “hold the $9.99 line” on e-Books, they’d have no choice but to listen to you.  I simply can’t believe that you would do this to your loyal fans.  I have bookcases groaning with all the hardback Stephen King books I’ve bought over the years, but I’ll tell you something.  I’m not going to buy this one. Until it comes down in price, I guess I’ll just have to break my streak of excitedly jumping into your latest book, ready to be entertained.  I’m too angry…and disappointed.

You’ve sure come a long way from those days when you were living in a trailer and sold the rights to Carrie in the mid-1970′s.  Maybe you’ve come a little too far if you can’t see what’s wrong with this.  It’s a shame, really.  I expected better of you.

Sincerely,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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