Nine months ago I woke up with double vision. As disconcerting as that was, I thought, “Well, I’ll get up and in a couple of hours it will be gone.” A week later that changed to, “As soon as I see the eye doctor, it will be gone.” And then a month later, it changed again to, “The endocrinologist will give me some medicine and then it will be gone.” And I was wrong yet again.
As many of you know by now, the double vision led to the discovery that I had Graves’ Disease and its trusty, sometimes companion, Graves’ Eye Disease. Through medication the Graves’ was quickly gotten under control. The eye disease – not so fast. When I was finally sent to an eye surgeon, I was met with the news that yes, it could be helped by surgery, but not until the disease had “run its course.” That was more months ago than I care to count.
Meanwhile the double vision has changed my life in so many negative ways. It has made every single thing I do more difficult, from driving to reading to walking down the stairs. It has affected my self-esteem drastically. I feel like one of my eyes looks a bit “off” and it has made me self-conscious. I don’t look people in the eyes like I used to. Going outside without sunglasses is out of the question because the brightness of all the many images I see tends to make me dizzy. And when I drive, I have to wear sunglasses with one eye blacked out or I wouldn’t be able to manage at all. My depth perception has been severely compromised, causing me to bump into things a lot. And, athough I’ve been determined that I won’t let it affect my friendships, I do find myself staying closer to home more often.
I was scheduled for surgery March 21st and the week before, I ruptured a disc in my back which compressed my sciatic nerve, leaving me hardly able to walk, and I had to cancel. It broke my heart.
So, here I am again, scheduled for surgery Monday morning. I have to be at the surgical center at 6:30 a.m. so it will still be dark outside. Probably by 10:00 a.m. they’ll be sending me home again. It’s odd to think that such a monumental thing in my life will be determined in such a short time.
To say that I’m praying for a complete success is the understatement of the world. The doctor said that 90% of the time the surgery works perfectly the first time. For the other 10%, a second operation is required to “tweak things.” I believe that God is going to see me through this and everything will turn out exactly the way we’re hoping. And, no matter how red and ugly my eyes look afterward, no matter how much they itch and hurt, as long as I see things normally, I won’t complain. In fact, I’ll probably be literally dancing with joy!
This IS a big deal. The surgeon will be cutting my eye muscles, repositioning them and then sewing them back up. Anything can happen. And then there’s the anesthesia, which always carries risks. But I’m not concentrating on those things. The way I look at it, if I don’t wake up, I’ll never know, so why stress about it?
As for my next post, I’ll play that by ear. According to my schedule, it should appear Tuesday, but that would mean writing it Monday and I doubt that will happen. So, please bear with me. My dear friend, Dee, will be taking me, bringing me back home, and staying a bit to be sure I’m okay. I’d love to get her to write a “guest post” updating you all, but that will be up to her. She’s already going over and beyond what I deserve. So, if I’m a day or so later than usual, you’ll know what’s happening. I ask for your patience and that you not forget me. And, if you have a spare prayer or two you could throw my way, I’d be mighty grateful. Wish me luck.