I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it has been about two weeks since I last wrote about my double vision problems. I figured that, just because I have to live with it every single day of my life, doesn’t mean that you have to as well! However, in my last post (this one) I mentioned how I had found some eye exercises I was going to try, in order to strengthen my eye muscles. I also had found that patching the good eye for a certain period a day was also supposed to force the troubled eye to get stronger. So, with a little mustard seed of faith, I plunged into my new regimen.
After having done these things for a while, I noticed that I could get the TV screen to be one, but only for a few minutes and then it would separate again, very much like the picture at the top. But I kept trying. And I put a patch in one side of clear glasses and would wear them from time to time. The problem with that is that I very often watch TV and read at the same time and I also need reading glasses. As for driving, I CAN NOT drive without one side of my sunglasses being patched. The double vision is very sensitive to light and motion. A couple of times I’ve peeked out from under the sunglasses while driving to “test” my eyes and immediately found myself veering into another lane! Bad idea!
Two weeks ago I was going to meet my friend, Dee, for lunch. Before I met her, I went for groceries, wearing the patched sunglasses. Then I drove downtown, still wearing the patched sunglasses. This was longer than I usually wore them. While we were sitting in the restaurant, it suddenly occurred to me that I was seeing only one of her!!! It lasted a little longer than a couple of minutes and I was cautiously excited. When she started to divide, I quickly did the far/near exercise and could get her back. All through our visit this happened and I drove home thinking maybe I had made a breakthrough. That night, however, I could only get two TVs, no matter how I tried.
Then last week I met my friend Charles for lunch and the same thing happened. The period of seeing one of him didn’t quite last as long, but that restaurant was a bit brighter, so that could have been a factor.
So here’s where I am now. I’m in Limbo Land. I’m able to have my moments of single vision and when that happens my heart leaps with joy. Unfortunately, I also have too many times when things are just as they always were and nothing works to change it. Walking outside to the mailbox is still like being on some drug trip, with two sidewalks and double cars going by. Charles thinks the little good spells mean that I’m getting better and I want to believe it. But, for crying out loud, why can’t I get more and better results? Why don’t the good spells last longer? I can “feel” my eyes trying to focus sometimes from near to far and back, but is that a good thing or a bad thing? And when I go through a period when I absolutely can’t get the single vision, it hits me hard and I feel so depressed. Lately, it seems like the bad times are outweighing the good ones. At this point I just don’t know what to do. I see my endocrinologist today for an update on the Grave’s disease, but last time he didn’t seem all that interested in my eyes. (Of course, HE can see normally!) Anyway, he was starting to recommend an ophthalmologist, but I told him I already had one. Maybe I’ll ask for the name today anyway. Is there any doctor on earth who wants to cure me?
I guess I’ll just have to keep on keeping on…and hang onto my little mustard seed and hope for a miracle.