There are so many self-help books and self-proclaimed “life coaches” who do the talk show circuits, trying to tell us all how to live, that it’s easy to simply tune all that stuff out. I mean, how many times can you hear “Be yourself,” without wanting to scream “WHO ELSE can I be?!!!!” But, as I go through life, there are certain little gems that have stuck with me that I pull out now and then to help me get by. One in particular that I’ve been using lately is one I’m determined to hang on to and try to incorporate into my life all the time.
This piece of wisdom goes something like this: You can’t control someone else’s behavior. You can’t change someone else. And you can’t always control the circumstances in which you find yourself. The only thing you can control is how you’ll react. Therein lies your power. This sounds so simple, but I am finding that it can make all the difference in the world to my attitude and my happiness.
Here’s an example. Someone in my life promised me that they would never do a certain thing again, after I told them how hurtful it was. And a few days ago, they turned right around and did it again. At first, my body reacted instinctively with a sinking feeling of disappointment. I felt hurt and anger closing in fast, all feelings I had felt before when this happened, almost as if my body was on an automatic loop. But, just as I was about to sink into despair, there was a pivotal moment when I said to myself, “NOT THIS TIME.” It was like someone had flipped a switch in my brain! This time, instead of just standing there like a helpless victim, letting all this bad stuff wash over me, I CHOSE to turn around and walk away from this little script. I decided that I did nothing to deserve this bad treatment and therefore I would not let it become a part of my consciousness. If that person wants to behave in a certain way, there’s nothing I can do about it, but I don’t have to be a party to it. I chose instead to concentrate on the good, positive things in my life and the people who don’t feel a need to hurt me or test me. And you know what? It works!
Whether you apply this kind of magical thinking to an out-of-control child, a thoughtless husband or a sucky job, it CAN help. I don’t mean you’ll immediately start loving the job or that the husband or child will suddenly transform themselves. No, those things are out of your control. But you can decide to take control of your reaction. When someone is trying to book you a ticket for a guilt trip, tell yourself, “NOT THIS TIME.” When something doesn’t turn out the way you’d hoped, instead of dissolving into tears, stop yourself and say, “NOT THIS TIME,” and then channel that energy into making yourself a stronger person who’s simply not going to be beaten down! The more you do this, the better it works and the more powerful you become in your own life.
Even though I’m sensitive, I don’t want to be someone who can be crushed by someone else’s whim. And I won’t be. I choose instead to be…
SUPERWOMAN!
Think about it. It might just work for you, too.
Where I live, we have just experienced five or six days of below-average temperature days in which it has been cold, wet, dark and melancholy. In other words, day after relentless day of gloominess. It has made me realize what a weather-sensitive person I am. Almost every day I have woken up, stepped outside to discover that it was still wet and cold, and have experienced different extremes of moods.
In 1963 there was an Alfred Hitchcock movie entitled “The Birds,” that I just loved. It was about this quiet little town by San Francisco Bay which is suddenly, inexplicably, subjected to massive, organized bird attacks during the course of several days. In classic Hitchcock style, we are lulled into a sense of safety. The town is charming. Rod Taylor is attracted to Tipi Hedren, a city girl, and romance is in the air.
I’ve got keep an eye on my friend, Iris! Slowly, silently, but surely, she’s becoming rich. How? Well, every time she gets bored, she walks through her house until she finds something she’s not using and then lists it on eBay! I remember she did a little of this about a year ago. She found an old dolphin ring in her jewelry box she figured might bring in $10.00 and she sold it for $70.00! She continued to add stuff and had the greatest luck, selling every single thing.
Do you think they might sell? They were pretty high dollar when they were new, and they’ve hardly been worn.
Dear
What is happening to our world? Is evil becoming so commonplace that it can be brushed aside with a smirk or a joke? In light of the events of the past week, it certainly seems so.
misconduct. Here is the man who gleefully savaged President Clinton, John Edwards, Eliot Spitzer, Governor Mark Sanford and more, now having to admit he’s no better than those he has accused over the years. He admitted he had to tell a grand jury “all the creepy things I had done.” And then he added, “I have had sex with women who work for me on this show.” At that, the audience laughed, just as Letterman hoped they would. But is it really that funny? Notice he said, “women who work for me,” not “with me.” I wonder if they were all willing participants or if they felt pressure to keep their jobs. I’ve always felt he was kind of a low class guy. Look at how he went after Sarah Palin’s daughter. I’d love for this to affect his career, but I doubt it will.
Well, it’s been awhile since my last Bits and Pieces and I do have a few things to share.
