A Shock For Moi

A couple of posts ago, I wrote about how I feared my double vision was now beginning to affect my appearance and how very sad and depressed that made me.  Well, a week ago Thursday I was scheduled for my second visit with the occulo plastic surgeon, Dr. L.,  to have him check the progress of my Graves’ Eye Disease.  On one hand, I was eager to go because anything that takes me closer to being cured is good.  On the other hand, I was worried that he might discover that my eyes were getting worse.  If that was the case, we’d start the checks all over again.  Sigh.

Naturally, by the time of my appointment, the streets, which already had a layer of ice from the night before, were being coated by a heavy snowfall.  But, I gathered up my courage and determination and hit the streets.  When I slid half-way into the intersection at the first stop sign, I wondered how wise it was to keep the appointment, but it had been seven weeks and I just didn’t want to reschedule. What should have been a ten minute drive took almost thirty.

Once there, I was ushered into a room and he came in shortly.  Immediately he started going through the drill.  He had me look left, and then wrote something in his computer, then right, then up, then down.  He then held up his finger and went through most of it again.  On and on he went, not saying much more than, “That’s the same.  That’s the same.”  Finally, he settled down with his computer and started typing.  I’m just sitting there, waiting for him to remember he has a patient in the room while it appears he’s writing his memoirs.  Finally, I could stand the silence no longer.

ME: “Uh, is it bad?”

DR. L.: “Oh no.  Most of the readings are the same as they have been.  I think we’re ready for surgery.”

ME: “Uh-huh.  Wait a minute!  Say what you just said again!”

DR. L.: “I said that I think we’re ready for surgery.”

ME: “Oh.  My.  God!”

I had been praying for this for so long , but when I heard him say it, I felt like a deer trapped in the headlights.  I was stunned.  Absolutely stunned.  I thought I’d be waiting A LOT longer.  All I could do was ask him to tell me about it.

He explained that, due to the nature of my problem, he’d have to operate on both eyes and do it under general anesthesia.  But I was glad to hear that it would still be an outpatient process.  He warned me that Graves’ Eye Disease patients are difficult because the inflammation of the eye muscles often leaves scar tissue.  Consequently, there’s a 10% chance that the surgery won’t be perfect the first time.  He may have to do a second operation to “tweak things.”  But that means there’s a 90% chance it will work out perfectly.  (I want to be in THAT group, please!) He said that my vision straight on and looking down should go back to normal.  Not so for sideways.  But I figure that’s okay because I could drive and read.  I don’t mind having to turn my head.  We left it with him telling me that his scheduler would get pre-approval from my insurance company and contact me in the next several days.

So, I went back out into the snow storm, got into my car, and broke down in tears.  I thanked God for hearing my prayers and then very cautiously drove home.  I’ve wanted to be cured for so long that it still hasn’t sunk in that this is going to happen.  I’m not sure when, but I imagine it will be this month.

So, my dear readers, the ball has started rolling…  I just thought you’d like to know.

 

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Living In Limbo

This year of 2011 already seems to be shaping up to be very similar to 2010 in terms of me living a normal happy life.  And that’s certainly not a good thing.

In 2010 I was struck with the dreaded double vision which I mistakenly thought could be cured with a simple visit to the ophthalmologist.  Oh how naive I was!

From July to the end of the year, I was batted around like a ping-pong ball from ophthalmologist to internist to endocrinologist and finally occuloplastic surgeon.  I was drained of tons of blood, had to ingest radioactive gunk for tests, and had two MRIs in a row and underwent a course of steroids, which put my body through hell.  I was treated for Graves’ Disease, which is now under control.  But the double vision?  Still there.  It seems that Graves’ Eye disease has its own agenda.  The surgeon says he can cure it with surgery but only after the disease has run its course. So, what does this mean?  It means I have to suck it up, live with it and WAIT…

Then this year my Big Mama molar loses its filling and has to go.  But because it is part of a bridge with other teeth, it will not be simple.  Of course not!  This is ME, Fate’s soccer ball.  First the dentist recommends two dental implants and a permanent bridge, to the tune of $9,000.

Then last week the periodontist, who would do the implants, doesn’t think there’s enough bone in the right place and suggests a mini-implant and an upper partial (not to be confused with dentures.)

The next day the dentist calls again and says she thinks between the two of them they’ve figured out a way to do the implants with one in a different spot. (Suddenly I’m getting the ping-pong ball feeling again.) So what’s the bottom line?  I have to WAIT until the periodontist pulls the tooth and removes the old bridge and at that moment she’ll decide which way to go.

Of course first I have to WAIT for my appointment, which is next Tuesday.  Then, if they go ahead with the two implants I’ll have to WAIT three months after they’re inserted before teeth can be permanently attached.  Good grief, we’re talking May here!  Are you seeing a pattern?

My whole life seems to be in Limbo.  I’m a person who likes to get things done, make things happen.  And here I am stuck in this wasteland, helpless to do anything to help myself.  I hate it so much!  I just want to be normal again and it appears that’s not going to happen for a long, long time. When I’m out among people, I never quite feel like my old self.  I’m too busy compensating for my vision.  And when I’m home, I sometimes I feel so very alone.  Who cares that everything in my world is double?  I mean, really!  Who cares except me?

I know the teeth thing is a procedure lots of people go through and waiting is a part of it.  And I know I can survive it even though my mouth won’t exactly be comfortable and I have no idea how it will affect chewing.

But then, there’s still my vision problem.  Just how long will it take for the disease to “run its course?” Six months?  Six years?  The doctor can’t tell me.  Funny, he doesn’t seem too upset by it.  But then he wouldn’t be, would he?  He can see fine.

The thing about living in Limbo is…we never get a day off.

 

 

 

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My Eyes…A Quick Update

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it has been about two weeks since I last wrote about my double vision problems.  I figured that, just because I have to live with it every single day of my life, doesn’t mean that you have to as well!  However, in my last post (this one) I mentioned how I had found some eye exercises I was going to try, in order to strengthen my eye muscles.  I also had found that patching the good eye for a certain period a day was also supposed to force the troubled eye to get stronger.  So, with a little mustard seed of faith, I plunged into my new regimen.

After having done these things for a while, I noticed that I could get the TV screen to be one, but only for a few minutes and then it would separate again, very much like the picture at the top. But I kept trying.  And I put a patch in one side of clear glasses and would wear them from time to time.  The problem with that is that I very often watch TV and read at the same time and I also need reading glasses.  As for driving, I CAN NOT drive without one side of my sunglasses being patched.  The double vision is very sensitive to light and motion.  A couple of times I’ve peeked out from under the sunglasses while driving to “test” my eyes and immediately found myself veering into another lane!  Bad idea!

Two weeks ago I was going to meet my friend, Dee, for lunch.  Before I met her, I went for groceries, wearing the patched sunglasses.  Then I drove downtown, still wearing the patched  sunglasses.  This was longer than I usually wore them.  While we were sitting in the restaurant, it suddenly occurred to me that I was seeing only one of her!!!  It lasted a little longer than a couple of minutes and I was cautiously excited.  When she started to divide, I quickly did the far/near exercise and could get her back.  All through our visit this happened and I drove home thinking maybe I had made a breakthrough. That night, however, I could only get two TVs, no matter how I tried.

Then last week I met my friend Charles for lunch and the same thing happened.  The period of seeing one of him didn’t quite last as long, but that restaurant was a bit brighter, so that could have been a factor.

So here’s where I am now.  I’m in Limbo Land.  I’m able to have my moments of single vision and when that happens my heart leaps with joy.  Unfortunately, I also have too many times when things are just as they always were and nothing works to change it.  Walking outside to the mailbox is still like being on some drug trip, with two sidewalks and double cars going by.  Charles thinks the little good spells mean that I’m getting better and I want to believe it.  But, for crying out loud, why can’t I get more and better results?  Why don’t the good spells last longer?  I can “feel” my eyes trying to focus sometimes from near to far and back, but is that a good thing or a bad thing?  And when I go through a period when I absolutely can’t get the single vision, it hits me hard and I feel so depressed.  Lately, it seems like the bad times are outweighing the good ones.  At this point I just don’t know what to do.  I see my endocrinologist today for an update on the Grave’s disease, but last time he didn’t seem all that interested in my eyes.  (Of course, HE can see normally!)  Anyway, he was starting to recommend an ophthalmologist, but I told him I already had one.  Maybe I’ll ask for the name today anyway.  Is there any doctor on earth who wants to cure me?

I guess I’ll just have to keep on keeping on…and hang onto my little mustard seed and hope for a miracle.

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Proceeding To Plan C…

I keep telling myself that if life were easy all the time we wouldn’t really appreciate the good normal times.  Yup, that’s what I keep telling myself.  However I must admit that lately I feel a bit like that little guy on the left.

Anyway, when I last left you, I was going to try to adjust to some prisms put in plain glasses to make my double vision easier to handle.  Unfortunately, one of the prisms was the wrong number (they don’t make the number I need,) so what I ended up with was extremely blurry vision.  It was a total bust.  $20 for the plain glasses (my ophthalmologist got me a deal) and $35 for each prism, none of this covered by my insurance because I didn’t take the vision plan.  $90 for more frustration.  Lovely.

About this time I came upon the Bible verse, Matthew 17:20 that ends …”If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”  Well, I started out this ordeal having loads and loads of big-time faith and was totally sure that I’d be cured almost immediately.  After days and weeks went by, it became harder to maintain that enthusiasm.  But seeing this verse last Monday felt like a message.  I needed to start over with faith as a grain of mustard seed, not as a big honking elephant in a parade.  So I did.  Baby steps.

I happened to be searching Google images later that day when I saw a page with the word “diplopia.”  (For those of you new here, that means “double vision.”  That’s your new word for the day!)  Anyway I followed the link and ended up on a page that was talking about eye patches.  It said for double vision to be sure to wear the patch on the good eye, so that the muscles of the troubled eye would have to work harder and get stronger.  My eye doctor had said that my right eye had the most inflamed muscles and the fact they couldn’t track with the left eye was what made my vision double.

Right then I had an epiphany. All this time I’ve been thinking that my eye muscles must still be inflamed, despite the fact that I’ve been on one of the most powerful steroids you can take for a month and a half.  But, reading this made me realize that perhaps the inflammation has gone down, but that the muscles, which haven’t been doing anything for almost three months, are just very weak.  That happens with muscles in your body if you don’t use them.  Right? About then an imaginary light appeared above my head.  “Hark!  What is yonder light?  Could it be the slightest glimmer of, dare I say it? HOPE?  Methinks it could be!”  I immediately removed the prisms from the plain glasses and put black paper in the left side, determined the wear them at least an hour a day, if not more, to start to strengthen those muscles.

As I continued to read, I found some exercises to strengthen eye muscles.  Two of them didn’t make much sense to me.  But one of them was tantalizing.  In it, you concentrate on something, like a pen, that’s six inches from your eyes, for five seconds.  Then you glance at something twenty feet away for five seconds, then back for five seconds, then far, etc., etc.  You do this twenty times several times a day.  I tried it, staring at a pen, then glancing at the television.  And for the FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME there was only ONE television!  I was so excited that I held it too long and the TV morphed back into two.  I do this kind of thing all day every day now.  Sometimes it works beautifully and sometimes not so much, especially outside.  I still can’t drive with both eyes.  And I still can’t seem to manage to watch a whole show on TV without seeing double.  But I won’t give up. The fact that it works even sometimes, is encouraging.  It takes time for weak muscles to strengthen and I’ve only been doing the patch glasses and exercises a few days.

It may be nothing.  But hey, it could be something…okay a very tiny something…maybe something just about the size of a mustard seed?

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The Eye Doctor

As promised in my last post, I’ll pick up my “doctor story” where I left off.  That was when the endocrinologist suggested I go back to my ophthalmologist regarding my double vision.  Oh, by the way, he did keep me on the steroids, just stepped down the dosage.  According to him, the steroids could still work, due to the fact that they’re supposed to have a cumulative effect.

So, I decided to go home and call my eye doctor.  Let me tell you about this wonderful woman, let’s call her “Dr. H.”  She’s a very brilliant ophthalmologist who has never lost her humanity.  I discovered her a couple of years ago when I apparently was carrying a tiny little rock in my eye for several days.  (I wondered why it hurt so damned much!)  She was so nice at the time that I kept her name in my planner.  Then, this past year, when I had a “Significant Birthday,” I decided to see her to simply get a thorough eye exam.  Little did I know that I would be returning several months later and that she would be become such a good friend.

She’s the one who scheduled MRI’s for my double vision problem and diagnosed the Grave’s Disease.  After I went to my regular doctor who referred me to the endocrinologist, she actually called me on her lunch hour to see how I was doing! I was totally stunned.  Most of the doctors I know rely on their nurses and support people to communicate with the patient.  At the time she told me to call her back in a month to let her know what was happening.  Well, it had been over a month, so I called and told one of the technicians why I was calling.  She said she would pull my file and give my message to the doctor.

About an hour later the phone rang, and it was Dr. H.  She started out, “Hey Star, what’s happening?  How are you doing, Kid?”  I summarized what had happened and that this was Week Ten of my nightmare.  I told her how the specialist had kicked the ball back into her court and told her about the options I had read about.

Regarding the medication I had found, she had never heard of it, but thought it sounded interesting.  Then I brought up the procedure of radiation of the eye muscles about which I had heard mixed results.  She was definitely against that idea, due to the risk of things that could go wrong.  Then I told her about two cases I knew  and read about where people with diplopia got prisms in their glasses and, in both cases, their eyes corrected themselves.  Since I don’t wear glasses (except for reading,) I was particularly interested in “press-on” prisms which fit into glasses and can be removed and changed.

She jumped on this idea and said, “You wanna come in and we’ll measure for them?”  When I asked what she had open, she said, “Oh, just come in.  I’ll get you in.  I know how miserable you must be.”  (Again, is this a cool doctor, or what?)

So, long story short, she held up different prisms to each eye and we finally she found a combination which gave me perfect single vision!  I was so excited.  BUT, (and there’s always a but, isn’t there?) the prescription for me was 15/14.  When she called the optical place across the street, they told her that the press-on prisms weren’t made in 14, so they’d have to do 15/15.  I got a cheap pair of plain lens glasses they had (manufacturer’s demos) and took them over.  The optical place said they’d be ready on Friday.

By now I know enough to not get my hopes up.  When I tried the glasses on, my spirits sank.  Everything was kind of blurry and a lot was still double. Sob!

This is what the prism looks like.  It’s cut to the shape of the lens.

In my case the lines go horizontal on one lens and vertical on the other.  It’s like having little Venetian blinds on your eyes.  The optical woman told me that part of the problem might be the cheap lenses in the glasses and that if I could get these to work, they could replace those with optical-grade lenses.  What I feared is that changing that one number changed everything.  But then, there’s also, according to the woman, a period of adjustment with these things.  So, I took them home.

Don’t let it be said that I didn’t try everything!  I’m going to “practice” with these glasses on and off, if, for no other reason, to “remind” my eye muscles what they are supposed to be doing.  Maybe these prisms, along with the continued steroids to reduce the inflammation, will work the miracle I’ve been waiting for for so long.

I guess time will tell…  After all, what else do I have left?

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What Happens To Me Now?

Today I return to the endocrinologist.  When I saw him one month ago, he started me on thyroid medication for my Grave’s Disease and steroids for my double vision.  When I asked him how long before the steroids kick in, he estimated two weeks.  I’ve been on them four weeks and have seen no improvement. That’s nothing, as in nada, zero, no improvement whatsoever…  It’s enough to make a grown woman cry, and I  have, believe me I have.  I cry a lot these days.

Anyway, I had more blood taken last Friday and this visit is to determine if the thyroid medicine dose is sufficient to slow down my raging hyperthyroidism.  If the dose hasn’t been enough, then all this time my white blood cells could still have been attacking my eye muscles.  In other words, I would have been pedaling in place.  If blood tests show the dose was just right, then it will indicate that the steroids just aren’t having any effect at all on my eye muscle inflammation.  Meanwhile, things are getting worse for me.  I’m finding it harder to focus now, along with everything else.

The thing is, I fear that this specialist is more concerned with controlling the Grave’s Disease than he is with my double vision, even though it is a side effect of the disease.  I kind of got the impression that if these steroids don’t do the job, he’d be very comfortable just shooing me on to my eye doctor to look into having eye surgery.  No biggie…for him!

But I  have other ideas.

Since  I am a pseudo-doctor, (as you regular readers know,) and a damned good one at that, I decided to do my own research on Grave’s Eye Disease.  And guess what I found?  AN ALTERNATIVE TREATMENT! I found many, many references stating the following:

“Recent reports indicate that rituximab, a drug currently used in the treatment of some leukemias and lymphomas, shows promise in treating thyroid eye disease.  Thus far patients have not reported adverse side effects associated with its administration and significant improvement has been observed as early as one month following treatment. “

This has not been widely used and the reports do add that further studies are required, but it gives me hope.  It has been used on patients who showed no improvement with steroids (like me.)  Some had diplopia (double vision) just like me.  No one in the studies had adverse side effects and everyone showed some improvement.  It is also being used for rheumatoid arthritis, so it can’t be too terribly dangerous.  It is administered in one injection, two weeks in a row.  Right now I see no downside in trying it.  Wouldn’t you choose to try something like this before letting someone cut into your eyeball?

I guess it all depends on the doctor.  Will he be open to it?  Or will he be one of those doctors whose egos won’t allow them to admit a patient might actually have a good idea?  Right now it all hangs in the balance. This is the tenth week of double vision and I’m becoming very scared and more than a little depressed.  I want desperately for the doctor to jump on this idea and implement it immediately.

Not to be over-dramatic or anything, but it’s just about the last little piece of hope I have left…  Cross your fingers?

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Yearning For Normal

Here’s how it goes.  I wake up at about 4:15 a.m. and for a few moments, just stay still, luxuriating in the cool breezes coming in my open bedroom windows.  And then I open my eyes, glance toward the television on the chest of drawers at the end of the room and see everything…double.  Again.  And a little something dies inside me each time.

The endocrinologist I saw gave me powerful steroid pills which he estimated should clear up the double vision by the end of two weeks.  That was last Thursday.  And everything is the same. He did add that if the medicine didn’t work, then I’d probably have to have surgery on my eye muscles.  But he felt pretty confident it would work.  It hasn’t.

So the question that still haunts me is – could the medicine still work?  This double vision thing is a rarer complication of Grave’s Disease and the doctor’s nurse told me I was their only patient who has it.  So maybe when the doctor said two weeks, it wasn’t based on certainty, but rather a ballpark estimate.  This is the theory I would rather believe, in order to keep my little flame of hope burning.  After all, I’m sure there was no way my eye muscles could have known that Thursday was their deadline to shape up and fly right.  There’s no little calendar back there behind my eyeballs.  Maybe little by little the medicine is indeed diminishing the inflammation but it will take longer than two weeks to undo the damage.  Like three weeks.  Or  (God help me!) four.

And when (or if)  it happens, I probably won’t wake up like Snow White after the Prince kissed her and be miraculously cured.  I’m thinking the change will come in tiny, almost imperceptible increments.  That is, IF there is a chance this medicine could still work.

I don’t mean to sound like some self-absorbed whiner.  I’m perfectly aware that there are millions of people worse off than I am.  And I pray for them every day and if I could help them, I would.  But I don’t seem able to even help myself.  That’s the problem.  This thing is totally out of my hands.

Unless it happens to you, you can’t imagine what a burden it is to keep seeing two of everything.  Driving with one side of my sunglasses blacked out is horrible and I have to be ultra-vigilant to make sure I’m seeing everything I need to.  I can’t even relax when watching TV.  I keep trying to find that elusive angle at which to hold my head so that I don’t see two screens.  My eyes are everything to me and to fight this battle every single day is so exhausting.  I try not to give in to tears, but sometimes I just can’t help it.  And, if it doesn’t go away…  Well, lets just not go there right now, shall we?

Today marks the ninth week of this nightmare.  I’ve lost weight and some afternoons I feel so tired that I could just drop.  Right now, if I was given one wish, I wouldn’t choose to win the lottery or be famous or even to find true love.

I’d just choose to be normal again.

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Keeping The Faith

I feel that God and I have a great relationship.  I talk to him every morning out on my balcony while the moon and stars are still dotting the sky and feel a closeness to Him like nothing else.

I’ve always felt very blessed because when I have a crisis or am concerned for a loved one, I simply pray for help and God always comes through for me.  This has happened more times than I can count, and I’ve always been grateful.

Then this double vision nightmare hit me and the first thing I did was turn to God, praying for a cure.  And yet morning after morning I’ve woken up, filled with hope, only to discover that I’m still seeing the world in double.  I have to admit, it has been discouraging and there have been times when I wondered if God was punishing me for something.  But what?

Then, when all the tests showed I have Grave’s Disease, I figured the double vision was God’s way of leading me to the proper medications to get it under control.  But still, the double vision persists.  The specialist I saw last week put me on a corticosteroid to reduce the inflammation of my eye muscles.  He thinks it will work on the double vision, but might take as long as two weeks.  This is my seventh week of living this way.  Maybe the eighth week will be the charm?  If the steroids don’t work, I’ll have to have surgery.

This all reminds me of a saying I once heard – “Faith isn’t faith until it has been tested.” Well, my faith is being tested like never before.  And yet, despite all evidence to the contrary, I feel like God is healing my eyes, even as I write this.  And one day very soon I will wake up and see the world as it really is.  And it will be like this great big present from God, all tied up in a giant red bow!   And I will dance and praise God and be filled with so much joy that my body won’t be able to contain it all!

But until that happy day… all I can do…is try to be brave and to keep the faith…no matter what.

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Being Tested

Well, the bad news is that apparently my peripheral double-vision wasn’t caused by the medication.  The other bad news is that it must be being caused by something else.  And that, my friends, does not make me a happy camper…

My ophthalmologist has scheduled me for two MRIs this Thursday, a head MRI and an orbits MRI, which zeroes in on the eyeball region.  To say I’m not exactly looking forward to this would be a huge understatement.  Thank God I don’t have medical tests very often, but when I do, just the thought tends to creep under my skin and bring with it a sort of fatalistic funk.  So, I’m trying very hard to stay occupied and NOT think about it.

But the truth is, something has to be done.  I have a feeling this is getting worse.  It feels like I’m beginning to see more things “double” than “single” and it’s starting to wear on me.  I can still function, but I’m praying this will be something that can be fixed easily.  (And when I say I’m praying, I mean I’m SO praying!)

I’ve been on the Internet just enough to know that there are a million and one different things that could be causing this, ranging from the horrible to the relatively harmless.  So this is where my faith kicks in.  I know God loves me and He’s pulled me through a lot worse than this.  And I’m counting on Him doing it again.

Personally, I’m pulling for a pinched nerve in my eye or maybe some kind of minor infection that can be cured with pills. If it’s something like one of those, I’ll be dancing around the house like a crazy woman.  What I do know is that I don’t want to live with this forever.  I’m so tired of swiveling my head around, trying to get things to focus.  I’m tired of being in stores and feeling like a freak because everything to the side of me is doubled.  I just want to be normal again!!!!

And there’s another little trial with all this.  If the imaging place manages to read my MRIs and fax the results to my doctor on Thursday, she’ll call me with the results.  If, however, they’re busy and don’t get to them Thursday, I won’t get the results until Monday, because my doctor isn’t in the office Friday.  Talk about your exciting weekend!   Oh yeah, that would be big fun.

So that’s it.  That’s my update.  I won’t add that I cry at least once a day from just sheer frustration and sadness, because you probably already figured that one out.  I mean, I’m going on week three of this and I’m only human.

But hey!  If you can spare a moment on Thursday morning at about 10:45 a.m. or after, I could sure use a good thought or a brief prayer.  I do believe in the power of prayer and in the goodness of the people who read this blog.  So, let’s just see what happens.

Thanks for listening to me.

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Random Ravings

You know what?  Sometimes I feel that life is getting on my last good nerve!  That’s the wonderful thing about having my own blog.  When the pressure starts building, rather than grab for a gun, I just grab for my iBook! (Safer for you, keeps me out of prison.) Here are some things that are bugging me right now.

1) I go out to the mailbox and pull out a handful of envelopes.  One, in particular, catches my attention.  In big one inch red letters it says, “FINAL NOTICE!”  Now, I’m not one of those people who get things marked this way.  One might even say I’m compulsive about paying my bills the day they arrive.  So to get something like this sort of freaked me out.  I get into the house and rip it open and it’s a magazine trying for the tenth time to get me to RENEW! And to make it worse, I had already responded to an earlier request, using my own stamp, just to tell them that I was NOT renewing.  So I view this “Final Notice” business as a bit of bullying or intimidation.  What are they thinking?  I know times are hard for the magazine industry, but this is not going to induce me to change my mind.  I decided to send it back to them with a personal message, a little stronger this time, if you know what I mean!

2) This damned heat wave we’ve been having is DRIVING ME CRAZY!  Call me sensitive, but every time I walk outside, it feels like the sun is a hostile presence!  It also depresses me because I love being outside, enjoying nature, and in this 100 degree temperature, that’s very difficult.  I have such thick hair that if I’m outside very long, I start to feel ill, what with the humidity and the sun beating down.  My friend, Iris, is always trying to get me to wear a hat, but the idea of all my hair stuffed into a hat makes me hot before I even try!  This is NOT  a normal summer.  We’re breaking records, left and right and people in my city are actually dying from it. We’re supposed to have a bit of a reprieve this weekend with some storms, but the heat spell is supposed to return the first week of September!  What?  Where’s Fall?  Will it it  EVER come?

3) My eye problem hasn’t gone away and I’m becoming increasingly concerned.  This is how things look when I raise my eyes.

It’s very disconcerting and it’s starting to wear my spirits down.  It’s also starting to affect my quality of life.  Maybe the problem wasn’t caused by the medicine, like I had hoped.  It should be officially out of my system as of today.  There are a lot of other things it could be.  I just hope it’s not something really bad.  I’m trying not to worry but my eyes are everything to me.  I’m supposed to call my eye doctor back on Monday if it hasn’t gone away.  Then I’ll have to get an MRI.  But I’m still hoping for a miracle between now and then.  Hoping really, really hard…

Hope with me?

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