Seriously? I mean, seriously? Do you realize how freakin’ HOT it is? The forecast for my area of the Midwest shows temperatures in the mid-nineties for the next two weeks! Is that your idea of a joke?
Yeah, yeah, I know it’s summer. I know it’s July. But come on! There’s hot and then there’s this crap! I stepped out onto my balcony at 10:00 at night and it was like entering a furnace! And there was not even a tiny suggestion of a breeze. It was like standing in a vacuum. Don’t you know we humans need air to breathe? It’s like you turned on a burner and then got distracted and forgot about it. Hey! We’re boiling over over here!
What’s that? Yes, I remember what I said about never complaining about the heat again if only you’d rid us of that damned ice. And you must admit, I’ve been pretty good about leaving you alone up to now. But, M.N., there’s good summer and then there’s bad summer. It’s bad summer when we have to scurry from air-conditioned building to air-conditioned building as if they were lifelines. It’s bad summer when by the time you walk from the parking lot to a store, you’re totally soaked in sweat. It’s bad summer when you could DIE out in this stuff. What are you thinking? I know you can whip up much better summers than this. I have memories of Julys that were so wonderful that I didn’t want to come inside. Have you turned mean in your old age?
Oh, excuse me. I didn’t mean that, what with you being immortal and all. But the point is – I’m not. And I’m the one who’s going to have to pay the air-conditioning bill, which I don’t even want to think about!
Mother Nature, look, I don’t like us being on the outs like this. You know how many times I’ve sung your praises. But honestly, don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been a little off your game with this scorching mess you call “weather?” I’m more than willing to forgive you, really I am.
So what do you say we just start slowly moving into Fall? A little cool breeze here, a little drop in temperature there, and all will be forgiven. Is that too much to ask? I think not. Let’s get on it! I’ll be watching…