Dear Mother Nature

Dear Mother Nature,

Seriously?  I mean, seriously?  Do you realize how freakin’ HOT it is?  The forecast for my area of the Midwest shows temperatures in the mid-nineties for the next two weeks! Is that your idea of a joke?

Yeah, yeah, I know it’s summer.  I know it’s July.  But come on!  There’s hot and then there’s this crap!  I stepped out onto my balcony at 10:00 at night and it was like entering a furnace!  And there was not even a tiny suggestion of a breeze.  It was like standing in a vacuum.  Don’t you know we humans need air to breathe?  It’s like you turned on a burner and then got distracted and forgot about it.  Hey!  We’re boiling over over here!

What’s that?  Yes, I remember what I said about never complaining about the heat again if only you’d rid us of that damned ice.  And you must admit, I’ve been pretty good about leaving you alone up to now.  But, M.N., there’s good summer and then there’s bad summer.  It’s bad summer when we have to scurry from air-conditioned building to air-conditioned building as if they were lifelines.  It’s bad summer when by the time you walk from the parking lot to a store, you’re totally soaked in sweat.  It’s bad summer when you could DIE out in this stuff.  What are you thinking?  I know you can whip up much better summers than this.  I have memories of Julys that were so wonderful that I didn’t want to come inside.  Have you turned mean in your old age?

Oh, excuse me.  I didn’t mean that, what with you being immortal and all.  But the point is – I’m not.  And I’m the one who’s going to have to pay the air-conditioning bill, which I don’t even want to think about!

Mother Nature, look, I don’t like us being on the outs like this.  You know how many times I’ve sung your praises.  But honestly, don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, you’ve been a little off your game with this scorching mess you call “weather?”  I’m more than willing to forgive you, really I am.

So what do you say we just start slowly moving into Fall?  A little cool breeze here, a little drop in temperature there, and all will be forgiven.  Is that too much to ask?  I think not.  Let’s get on it!  I’ll be watching…

With love,

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Midwest Meltdown!

It’s official.  The unrelenting humidity is starting to slowly but surely melt my brain !  I’m serious.

The  Midwest has been hit by day after day of ninety-plus degree temperatures and humidity which is at what the experts call “dangerous levels.”  Throughout the city there have been numerous cases of heat exhaustion and several deaths already.  So when I say it has been sweltering, I’m not exaggerating.  Five minutes outside in this stuff and your clothes are wet.  Fifteen minutes and you start to feel nauseated.  Thirty, and you want to kill yourself…or someone else!   It’s scary.

I’m not good at this kind of weather.  I get cranky and snippy and lose all motivation.  I hate having to be shut inside with the curtains drawn and the air conditioning running constantly!  I start to feel like a little old mole woman!  So anyway, back to my melting brain.

I decided to get out of the house and run some errands, just to show the weather who’s  boss.  First I had to gas up the car.  That went fine – no sign of mental illness.  Then I stopped by the library – fine, no split with reality.  All that was left was a trip to Walgreen’s.  My list was short and I could foresee no problem.

Mascara –   √

Deodorant -  √

Acetaminophen -  √

Massive hot pink “Googly Ball” – HUH?

And yet, somehow this ball made it into my basket.  Now true, it was marked down from $5.99 to a low, low clearance price of $2.49, but still…I needed it… why?  And yet, the minute I felt its squishy goodness, I knew that ball was coming home with me!  And, once I had it in the privacy of my own living room and began to bounce it around, guess what I discovered?  IT HAS FLASHING LIGHTS INSIDE!!!  I KID YOU NOT!!!

So here I am, a grown woman with responsibilities and (I thought) common sense, getting my love on with a squishy, hot pink googly ball!  What would make me do such a thing?  What makes me want to bounce it around and pretend it’s an alien of some sort?  Why does it make me smile?  Why do I want to name it?  Why did I NEED it?  Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you “the devil made me do it.”  That would be a lie…

the humidity did.

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