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Archive for the ‘Whimsy’ Category

As I move closer to my surgery date, I’ve tried very hard to immerse myself in distractions.  Since I’ve always been the kind of person who can live in my imagination,  I just needed the inspiration.  So, first I purchased Season One of HBO’s “True Blood,” the southern Vampire series featuring waitress Sookie Stackhouse.  Once I got into it, I spent many happy weekends following the story.  The idea behind it is that it’s set in a time when a synthetic blood has been developed that can slake the vampire cravings.  Thus vampires are free to walk among humans.  There are a lot of funny tongue-in-cheek references to vampire rights in congress and vampire support groups.  But the primary story line involves Sookie, who falls in love with an ancient vampire, Bill, who’s trying very hard to mainstream, i.e., not drink human blood.  This whole thing was so involving that when I finished the last episode, I immediately ordered Season Two.

While I was waiting for Season Two to come, I decided to get Season One of “The Walking Dead,” which is AMC’s critically acclaimed series of humans trying to survive a zombie epidemic of apocalyptic proportions.  It begins with a police officer waking from a coma in a hospital which is trashed and deserted.  As he wanders out, he sees nothing but dead bodies everywhere.  It isn’t until he sees a zombie girl, (or half of a zombie girl, anyway,) pulling what’s left of her body across a park, that the nightmare starts to become real to him.  He finally meets up with a group of survivors and the main story is about what these people do to survive, without any means of communication and not even knowing if there are other survivors left in the world.  It is a good show, but definitely not as “fun” as “True Blood.

So, when I finished the last episode of it, I naturally found myself thinking about both stories and the situations they depict.  In my musings, I imagined someone asking me, “Which would you date, if you had to date one or the other – a zombie or a vampire?  At first the answer seemed obvious, but I decided to try to be as objective as possible. Here are my pros and cons.

VAMPIRESPros – (1) They actually have personalities, ranging from charming to terrifying. (2) Most are physically attractive.  (3) Their blood, “V” is like a super-drug for humans.  (4) They sleep all day, giving you time to do what you need to do.  Cons (1) When the fangs click into place, it’s not a good look (at least, not to me.)  (2) They never get sleepy at night so they could tend to wear you out after a while.  (3) They have the ability to mesmerize you, thus robbing you of free will.  You’d probably never win an argument with one.  (4) There’s the whole sleeping-in-a-coffin thing.  (5) They could suck you dry and leave you dead in a New York minute.  (Definitely something to think about!)

 

ZOMBIES:  Pros(1) They’d never bore you with needless chit-chat.  They do well to make grunting noises!  (2) They’re not obsessed with their appearance.  You’ll never have to wait while they fix their hair. (3) They are persistent.  Zombies aren’t quitters.  If they want you, they’ll just keep coming for you, no matter what.  (4) They’re not picky eaters.  They’re only interested in eating one thing.  Cons (1) The one thing they’re interested in eating is YOUR BRAIN! (I don’t know about you, but for me that’s a real downer in the dating world.) (2) They are totally boring. Any shred of personality they might have once had, is gone.  (3) Their body parts tend to come off.  I mean, it’s one thing to hold someone’s hand, but if that’s the only thing you’re holding, well!  Yuk. (4) The smell.  Putrefaction is seldom sexy, no matter how good a face you try to put on it.

So, there are the facts.  And no matter how fair I tried to be, zombies are a hard sell in the world of sexual attraction and companionship.  Consequently,  I have to declare vampires the winner of this “who-would-you-date” contest.  So now that I’ve solved yet another Huge Life Dilemma, I think I’ll go cuddle up in my recliner and begin Season Two of “True Blood.”  Woo hoo!  See ya later!

 

 

 

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The world is so full of inexplicable things that I thought I’d throw a few questions I have out here and see if any of you faithful readers have the answers.  Okay, here goes:

1) Why doesn’t anyone sell a condiment that is a mixture of mustard and ketchup?  I love putting both of those on my burgers and  it’s a hassle having to drag both of them out of the refrigerator to do so.  If someone made them pre-mixed in a bottle I’d gladly buy it.  This is such a good idea that I can’t figure out why someone hasn’t already invented it!

2) There’s a new commercial out (I think it’s for Safeco Insurance, but I can’t swear to it,) where about five different people, men and women, kick a poor guy hard between the legs.  The first time I saw it, I simply couldn’t believe it.  It’s actually painful to watch.  Why on earth would someone make a commercial like that to sell something?

3) Why in the world has the show “Dancing With The Stars” asked Christine O’Donnell to participate?  Witch or not, I don’t really consider her to be a “star,” and have no interest whatsoever in watching her.  Didn’t they learn anything with Bristol Palin?

4) Why oh why can’t Charlie Sheen just go away and never let us hear from him again?  Not a day goes by that he doesn’t shoot off his big arrogant mouth again.  And it’s like he’s deliberately trying to offend every person he works with and every group he can think of.  He keeps defending himself by saying, “My fans will stand behind me.”  What fans?

5) Why would you do a commercial for a medicine which is accompanied by the warning, “Discontinue if you experience vomiting, hives, dizziness, nausea, blurred vision, sleeplessness, skin eruptions, sores in your mouth or thoughts of suicide?” I mean, I don’t care WHAT’S wrong with you, do you really want to add that lovely menu of side effects to the mix?  Craziness!

6) Finally, and this is one I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to – Why does the word “Wednesday” have two “d’s” in it?  Why isn’t it “Wensday?”  No one pronounces the first one.  Why not drop it?  Doesn’t that make a whole lot more sense?  Surely people have realized that by now, so why hasn’t it been changed?  If they can kick Pluto off from being a planet, surely they can correct this spelling.  (Oh, and for those of you reading this who are too young to remember the show “The Addams Family,” that’s their daughter, Wednesday, in the photo.)

Okay, let me know if you have any answers.  Meanwhile, have a great Wensday and Thursday!  Ha. Ha.

 

 

P.S. Since I wrote this “Dancing With The Stars” announced their lineup and O’Donnell isn’t on it, thank goodness!  Not many “stars” are, either!

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On Tuesday, February 1st, I lost a good friend.  She was a huge back upper molar named Big Mama.  We had been together for a very long time and, even after she had received what could be termed a “death sentence,” she hung on for almost two more years.  Where do you find that kind of loyalty these days?  So anyway, since I was so attached to her, I felt I owed her something after all those years of good service.  So I gave her a funeral.

Here are some of her friends traipsing by her coffin before the service.

There’s a gorilla and a dinosaur she was fond of, an army man, a policeman and Giovanni and his son, Guido.  Quite a nice showing on such short notice.  After the viewing, I read the following poem written just for her.

FAREWELL TO BIG MAMA
Here’s to Big Mama, a tooth among teeth,
In my life she has played a big role.
She was ripped from this world by a dentist named Jane.
In her wake there is just a big hole.
What a chewer she was!  She could chomp all day long,
Be it apples or candy or steak,
Just thinking of all that she helped me consume
Is making my heart start to break.
A molar of merit, a dental delight,
My Big Mama was all of these things.
It’s hard to believe that she really is gone.
She’s in heaven now, wearing some wings.
Farewell, my sweet Mama, and thanks for it all,
You were special and that is the truth.
You were loyal, hardworking and one of a kind.
And to me, you were more than “a tooth.”

Rest in peace.

What?  You don’t understand why anyone would give a funeral for a tooth?  What can I tell you?  I guess if you wondered if I was crazy before, now you know for sure!  🙂

 

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More Snow? No!!!

After having a brief reprieve for a couple of days of above-freezing temperatures, thus enabling some of the snow to melt, they’re calling for another onslaught today and tomorrow.  Of course they are!  It’s winter, and the midwest must be punished!  And the icing on the cake is that my appointment for a tooth extraction and oral surgery is Tuesday morning and I have no idea whether or not I’ll be able to make it up the driveway to get there, what with the freezing sleet and all.   But hey!  I don’t want to sink into a snow funk.

No, I thought I’d focus instead, on the “lighter” side of snow by sharing some funny snow shots sent to me by my friend Francie.

For example, here’s a guy making the best of a cold situation.  Pretty cute!

And, there ARE good uses for snow…

Personally, I really like the creativity of this next one.  It’s cool how just two pairs of sunglasses gave this snow personality.

Snow or not, the weekly poker game must go on.

And of course, drinking too much of that beer can only lead to one thing…

So see?  Snow isn’t always a bad thing!   Of course, I might need you to come back and remind me of that tomorrow if I end up shoveling! I have a feeling it won’t be nearly so charming and funny then!

And hey!  Be careful out there!

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Snowmen, Anyone?

Well, Christmas is over and winter, my most unfavorite time of year, is officially here.  Actually, I could cope with the bone-chilling temperatures.  It’s the sleet and ice and snow that eventually drive me up the wall.  So far we’ve been lucky where I live, not having had it too bad yet, but I’m sure our turn is coming.  The only two things I like about snow are: (1) the beauty of the untouched landscape (if you don’t HAVE to get out in it,) and (2) snowmen!  That’s why I thought it would be a good time to post my yearly “Snowman Post.”  I haven’t had a chance to make any snow people of my own yet, but if I do, rest assured I’ll share them with you.  Meanwhile, I’ve been cruising around and have picked up a few pictures I thought you’d enjoy.

I’ll start with the obvious “bargain” snowman…

Then there’s the unexpectedly limber one…  This one makes me smile.  Are those golf club legs?

As a counterpart to the last cute one, we have the violent ones…  I love the one leaning against the house!

Next we have this rather weird one which I must assume is pregnant.  Kinda cute.  That could be an alien baby in front.

And finally, my favorite – a bunch of town snowmen!

You know what I love about this one?  I love the idea of the people who built them.  Did they sneak into the town square at night to create this little army?  Or was it an effort of the whole town?  Did they bring their own buckets for hats?  It’s so neat when adults let themselves be kids again.  Last year when I was building a snowman on my driveway divider using the snow I had just shoveled off, I had a sense that some of my neighbors were watching me from their windows.  Were they thinking that I am just a little bit crazy?  Maybe.  Nothing new there.  But maybe they were a little envious that they couldn’t  just “let go” and come out and join me.  That’s what I’m thinking.

Happy Winter, my friends!

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Marcel the Shell

Sometimes I run across a video so unexpectedly delightful and amusing that I find myself playing it over and over.  So it is with “Marcel the Shell With Shoes On,” directed by Dean Fleischer-Camp and written and voiced by SNL’s Jenny Slate.

Knowing that I find this so adorably touching will tell you something about the kind of person I am.  Its simple childlike innocence makes me want to learn how to make little movies like this myself.   Who knows?  Maybe I will sometime.

Without further ado, enjoy!

If that didn’t give you a smile, you’re just not trying!

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Not too long ago, a friend sent me these pictures and they’re so interesting, each in its own way, that I wanted to share them.

This first one gives a whole new meaning to the term “a rock in the road.”  It also makes me wonder how they moved it.  That truck in the background looks so small!

How about a tree in the road?  Actually, I think it’s sweet they preserved the tree.  See how the street juts out at the right to accommodate your swerve?

Then there’s our worst nightmare…  If I saw this outside my house, I think I’d simply pass out!  (Or else, take a picture for my blog!)  🙂

Okay, now we need something more benign.  How about some nice, friendly, snow dinosaurs?  How does one begin to carve something like this?

And last, but certainly not least, we have the horse mechanic!  What I love about this is that he has his own little stool to step up on!  I want that horse!

So you see, it isn’t ALWAYS about me blathering on.  Sometimes a picture is truly worth a thousand words.  Hope you enjoyed them.

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