Posts Tagged ‘goodbye’

Giving Up

Okay, so for nine months I’ve suffered with double vision, all the time trying to maintain my spunk and do the best that I can with what I’ve had to work with.  Finally, I got a chance to have surgery to fix my eye muscles so that, at long last, I could have normal vision just like regular people.  The time ramping up to that surgery was filled with delays and unimaginable stress, but I finally reached “zero hour” on Monday.  I was so excited.  I came through the surgery fine…only to find myself with WORSE double vision than before!  The surgeon had indicated that I might still have “periods” of double vision, but had implied that I would also have periods of normal vision, too.  So I was heartbroken.  It wasn’t until afterward that he claimed that “Oh yes, this is completely normal.”

I didn’t cope well with this.  Not well at all.  To find myself having more difficulty functioning than before has been almost more than I can bear.  The tears show up at regular intervals and there’s nothing I can do about it.  My eyes look like someone poured Drano into them and feel like they’re full of glass shards.  And as I look around, searching for hope, I realize my sense of humor and my persistence have fled.  And I have nothing to hold onto. Nothing.

For those of you who have expressed caring (all four or five of you,) I did go to the doctor yesterday and he proclaimed that my healing is progressing well.  He explained that the eye muscles that were cut now need time to re-attach.  Right now they are being held with sutures.  He says that now my eyes are “over corrected,” but that they should eventually work their way back to normal vision…IN WEEKS!  From where I’m sitting, I don’t believe him.  No one ever warned me that there would be this long waiting period after the surgery for results.  I had so much hope that everything would be fixed.  What I NEVER expected was that I’d be in a worse situation than when I started.  A person can only take so much.

This blog used to be a life saver for me.  It was a place where I could vent, air my opinions and find support from my readers.  That didn’t work this time.  I feel like I’m totally alone out here.  I’ve been drained of my joy, my spirit, my sass and my sense of humor.  The idea of going back to writing my funny posts, my cloud patrols, my movie and TV reviews and my cockeyed views on life doesn’t move me at all.  I’m empty inside.

So, I’ve decided to walk away from “Star, Simplified.”  I thought I was making a difference, but now I realize I was just fooling myself.  And, until I can once more find some shred of hope in my life… I have nothing to say.

Take care of yourselves.



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I Hate Goodbyes!

I’m at an age where change isn’t easy.  And I honestly feel I’ve made my quota of changes over the past year.  In June I stopped smoking and switched over to electronic cigarettes.  In September, I switched from caffeinated to decaffeinated coffee. Good grief!  Any of you who have done the same, know that those are huge changes!  For those two things, alone, I should get a reprieve from change.  But NO!  Now it’s this “goodbye thing!”

There was a man at my grocery store who had finished one career and retired.  Then he decided to sack groceries part-time to add to his nest egg.  I suspect he also did it because he likes people.  Anyway, Ron was the nicest, most gentle of men, always greeting me by name, remembering things we had talked about the week before.  In short, he was kind and considerate and made going to the grocery store a little nicer.  Originally, he had intended to keep the job for about six months and ended up staying six years.  But the time had come fr him to retire again because he and his wife wanted to travel.  On his last day, I gave him a hug and wished him good luck.  But I will miss him.  It’s not like we were buddy-buddies or anything, but he was just one of those people who made life a little nicer.

On the day that I said goodbye to Ron, I came home to find an envelope in the mail that was the size of an invitation.  It contained a note from my mail carrier, Towana, saying that the next day would be her last because she had taken a job where she wouldn’t have to work Saturdays.  Well, of course I can understand that.  But, here again, is another change in my  life.  So many times in the summer when I was outside digging or taking pictures, she would stop to chat and we’d crack each other up.  And she also spoiled me by bringing packages to my door that I otherwise would have had to go to the post office to pick up.  Now, odds are that I won’t ever see her again.  Shucks.

And finally, I called a couple of days ago to reschedule a tax appointment that I had made a year ago.  The woman who answered the phone couldn’t find it on the computer.  When I told her the name of my tax man, she said no one by that name worked there.  That was strange because I’ve seen him there every year for at least ten years!  At that point, I heard her asking someone and she came back and said, “He retired.”  My heart sunk.  I guess I should have expected it because the man was in his mid-seventies and didn’t have to work.  But, still!  He was so intelligent and funny and knew all my pertinent facts and we had become friends.  Now I’ll probably never see him again either.  And what’s worse, I’ll have to train someone new.  It’s a bummer.

So, three charming people who added a little joy to the landscape of my life have disappeared, and there’s no telling who will take their places.  It’s just not right!  Not to mention the fact that I feel abandoned.

So, heads up to all of my hometown friends…don’t even THINK about going anywhere that would require me to say goodbye to you!  If you think I’m kidding, I will remind you that, along with all my many other talents, I’m also a pseudo Kung Fu  practitioner.   Don’t try me.

And besides, I’ve had far too many goodbyes lately…

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