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Archive for the ‘Lists’ Category

I have several totally unrelated bits and pieces to share, but then, aren’t they usually?  First off, during these past two weeks when I’ve been dealing with such pain in my back and leg, there’s one important duty I’ve neglected, which has come back to bite me.  I’ve totally neglected to fight back against the mole!!! And the result?  Take a look for yourself.  Once he realized that I wasn’t out there pounding the tunnels back down, he had himself a field day. There are over ten tunnels there and those are just the ones to the left of my stepping-stones!  It makes me sick.

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Dolly Parton was a guest on Good Morning America this morning.  Now, first off, I love Dolly.  I really do.  I have several of her albums and think she is the sweetest person.  But, let me tell you, she has GOT to stop having plastic surgery!  When they showed her the first time, I took a double-take.  Her mouth is pulled to both sides so tightly that she looks like The Joker in Batman!  And her eyes, too, are pulled so that they look like Catwoman’s!  I was going to include a picture here, but all of her pictures are touched up.  She’s 65, for crying out loud.  Why doesn’t she just accept it?

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I was in a mood to shake things up, so I decided to go with a different color of fingernail polish.  First I tried lavender, but it make my hands look corpse-like.  But then I tried this blue and I kind of like it!  What do you say?  Go or no?  (Please ignore the bony, OLD, red-knuckled hands!  They’re the only ones I have.)

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And finally, for those of you who have told me that I should have a pet, I have finally found the perfect one for me.  Ready?

Okay, here it is...a lap giraffe!

I need one of these badly.  I really do.  You all know I do.  Just because my birthday has just passed, don’t let that stop you.  It would make a lovely “belated birthday gift.”  You can find out more about them HERE.

So, until I get that big surprise…



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I know these kinds of lists are floating all over the Internet, but I recently received one I think has some pretty funny (and true!) points.  If I knew who wrote it, I would be glad to give them credit.  Meanwhile, enjoy!

You know you’re getting older when:

1. You find yourself beginning to like accordion music.

2. You’re sitting on a park bench and a Boy Scout comes up and helps you cross your legs.

3. Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.

4. Your underwear starts creeping up on you … and you enjoy it.

5. You tune into the easy listening station on purpose.

6. You take notes during commercials for laxatives and motorized wheelchairs.

7. When you light the candles on your birthday cake, people form circles and sing “Kumbaya.”

8. Someone compliments you on your layered look … and you’re wearing a bikini.

9. You keep repeating yourself.

10. You start recording daytime game shows … if you can figure out how to operate the DVR.

11. At the airport, they ask to check your bags…and you’re not carrying any luggage.

12. You wonder why you waited so long to take up macrame.

13. Your insurance company has started sending you their free calendar a month at a time.

14. At cafeterias, you complain that the gelatin is too tough.

15. Your new motorized chair has more options than your car.

16. When you do the “Hokey Pokey” and put your left hip out, it stays out.

17. One of the throw pillows on your bed is a hot water bottle.

18. Conversations with people your own age often turn into ailment one-upmanship.

19. You keep repeating yourself.

20. It takes a couple of tries to get over a speed bump.

21. You discover the words whippersnapper, scalawag, and by-cracky creeping into your vocabulary.

22. You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for the rocker.

23. You begin every other sentence with, “Nowadays…”

24. You run out of breath walking down a flight of stairs.

25. You look both ways before crossing a room.

26. Your social security number only has three digits.

27. You keep repeating yourself.

28. You come to the conclusion that your worst enemy is gravity.

29. It takes you all night to do what you used to do all night.

30. You go to a Garden Party and you’re mainly interested in the garden.

31. You find your mouth making promises your body can’t keep.

32. The waiter asks how you’d like your steak … and you say “pureed.”

33. At parties you attend, regularity is a popular conversational ice-breaker.

34. You start beating everyone else at trivia games.

35. You frequently find yourself telling people what things used to cost.

36. Your back goes out more than you do.

37. You keep repeating yourself.

38. Cafeteria food starts tasting good.

39. You refer to your $2500 stereo system as “The Hi-Fi.”

40. You attend all the RV shows that come to town.

41. You realize that a stamp today costs more than a picture show did when you were growing up.

42. You actually call movies “picture shows.”

43. Your grandchildren don’t know what stamps are.

44. Your childhood toys are now museum pieces.

45. Many of your co-workers were born the same year that you got your last promotion (as it happens, the last time I was in a traffic accident, the woman who ran into the back of my car was born the year I got my first driver’s license).

46. The clothes you put away until they come back in style … are back in style.

47. All of your favorite movies have been reissued in color.

48. The car that you bought brand new becomes an antique.

49. You keep repeating yourself.

50. You find this list tasteless and insensitive.

Number 16 is my favorite.  What’s yours?

 

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Yikesy-Mama!  What is it about this time of year that makes people crazy?  I’ve had several tell me that they’re slogged down in depression.  Others are bored and restless.  And still others feel that if we have one more storm, they’re going to lose it!  Me?  I’m a little bit all of the above.

So rather than settle down and write a proper blog post, I decided to throw out a few bits and pieces that have been buzzing around my head like angry bees.

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First of all, I have a mystery.  Why is it that I can tell my hair stylist to NOT touch my bangs, and I never see her touch my bangs, but, when I get home, they are shorter? Much shorter!  It doesn’t make sense.  They don’t look shorter there in the salon.  They wait until I’m at my dressing table at home and suddenly I look in the mirror and see Pilgrim Girl Prudence or something.  Or maybe Cleopatra, who always had really short bangs.  It’s annoying.  She usually cuts it before she washes it, so I have to wonder – does hair shrink like clothes sometimes do?  But that can’t be right because then all the hair on my head would be shorter.  It’s a mystery.  And it drives me crazy.  Any ideas?

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This past week Oprah hosted the entire Trump family, including all of his five kids.  And I have to say, despite Donald’s colorful marital history (three wives,) his kids all seem remarkably sane, grounded and actually nice!  I had seen Ivanka, Don Jr., and Eric on “The Apprentice” but Oprah’s interviews brought out how much they all respect their father.  I don’t know why, but watching the whole thing kind of gave me the warm fuzzies.  Sure, they’re all rich.  But I have a feeling they work hard for the money.

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N.A.S.A. recently discovered three more earth-like planets in the Milky Way .  Normally this would make me really excited.  But unfortunately, after the next mission, Obama is calling a halt to U.S. space exploration.   Just imagine how fun it would be to explore other planets, particularly ones where we could breathe the atmosphere!  I would volunteer to go in a New York minute!  Would you?

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And finally, the downside of the Internet.  Today I was on Google Images and, on a whim, decided to put in the name of my fantasy boyfriend, who is one of leading men on a popular TV show.  So, a bunch of wonderful pictures of him come up and I started scrolling through them.  Then, in the middle of the page, there’s a picture of him totally naked, standing there facing the camera!!!  Full frontal nudity!!!  I was taken aback.  I mean, here he is, showing it all for all the world ON GOOGLE!

Then I saw another picture further down where he’s not only naked, but tangled up with another man, who is also naked.  Now I’m sure these were probably taken when was younger, before he “made it” as an actor.  But you have to wonder who hates him so much that they put these pictures on the Internet. where they will be forever.  And it should be a warning to everyone to be careful with your words and your image.

Anyway, I can appreciate a naked man as much as the next woman, but not this way.  This made me sad.  I wish I could un-see it. But it’s too late now.

 

 

 

 

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Wow, the holiday hoopla is finally over and what with all that and the medical and dental stuff I’ve been saddled with, I just realized that I’ve kind of ignored some of my regular features.

But, not to worry!  I rummaged through my idea box and found some bits and pieces that seem perfectly serviceable.

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First of all, for those of you who have asked, my tissue graft turned out beautifully.  The wound on the roof of my mouth where they took the tissue has almost healed over completely and the graft, itself, is amazing.  My front gum under the tooth where the root was showing looks completely healthy and normal.  The only bad part of the whole procedure was getting two shots straight into the roof of my mouth.  That was not fun.

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I don’t know if you’ve heard or not, but the Post Office won’t be making anymore stamps with the price on them.  Effective immediately, all stamps will be “Forever Stamps.”  What this means is that when the rate goes up, you won’t have to scramble looking for one and two-cent stamps to make up the difference.  This makes so much sense I have to wonder why they didn’t do it a long time ago.  But anyway, Bravo Post Office!  Better late than never.

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I don’t think I ever showed you the mural I put in my dining room when I moved into this house.  This is my view when I sit eating at the dining room table.  It’s very relaxing.

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And finally, remember all I recently went through getting a new dentist?  Well, I think she’s history.  Here’s what happened.  When I went to the periodontist to be evaluated for the tissue graft, she noticed some decay on the root of the tooth that was going to be treated.  Since I was scheduled to get a tooth filled by my dentist, I told her I would have her take care of it before the graft.

So, a couple of days later, I asked the dentist about it, since I was already numb anyway.  I told her I didn’t want to get the graft OVER decay.  She was very receptive and said she’d check that tooth, which she did.  She then said, “It looks okay to me.” When I went for the tissue graft a few days later, the periodontist said, “This root ball is covered with decay!  I’ll have to get that out before we start.”  She then proceeded to dig out the decay and fill the tooth.  As I told her later, that certainly gave me pause for thought.  Since I just started with this new dentist, I have no bond formed.  And if she missed something that obvious…  I don’t like it.  And, since I recently lost the huge filling from my Big Mama tooth, I’m going to have to do something fairly soon.  I guess it’s back to the dentist drawing board!  Great.  Just what I needed.

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Well, that’s it for now.  Take care of yourselves.

 

 

 

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I’ve noticed that when I’m really busy doing physical stuff around the house (running the sweeper, dusting, moving furniture, etc.,) my mind tends to wander more than usual.  Here’s some stuff that popped up.

See this thing?  It’s a scissor sharpener I ordered on eBay.  I don’t know if it’s just me or what, but in my household scissors tend to go dull very quickly.  So, I got the bright idea of ordering a sharpener so that I wouldn’t have to keep buying new scissors.  So far, so good.  It came promptly, but had no directions with it.  But I figured, “how hard can it be?”  So I went around the house gathering up all the scissors I could find, from the kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, utility drawer, etc.  I opened them up, one by one, and ran the blades through the little groove that had a picture of scissors on it (as opposed to the one that has a little knife picture.)  I tried them with a piece of paper and they cut it, so I figured it had worked.

The next time I needed to trim my bangs, I grabbed the scissors at my dressing table and carefully started snipping.  They sounded right – as if they were working.  But ten minutes later, I could still feel my bangs in my eyes.  So, I snipped again and noticed that very little hair was falling.  So I tried it with another pair of scissors.  And another.  And another.  It appears that I somehow de-sharpened most of the scissors in my house!  I still don’t know what happened, but suddenly I feel completely scissor-less !  Lesson learned:  If you don’t get instructions with something, maybe you shouldn’t just “make some up.”

I pulled out the list of people I sent Christmas cards to last year and decided to do a little pruning.  Last year you’d think I was one of Santa’s elves, the way I sent out cards.  Even people who didn’t usually send me cards would get one if I knew they were alone or if I thought they might not get a lot of cards.  But this year, as I’ve pointed out, what with my eye problems, I haven’t exactly been going overboard with the jolliness.  So I took several names off the list.  And I imagine that these people won’t even notice.  That felt so good that every few days or so I would go over the list again and cut a few more names.  By the time I sat down to address the envelopes, my list was much more manageable.  When I get around to mailing them later in the month, they’ll be going to people I have good reasons to send wishes to, which is as it should be.  Lesson learned:  Friendships ebb and flow and it’s okay to let some go.

I mentioned on Monday that I have four doctor/dentist appointments this week.  This has revealed an interesting phenomenon – the robo-call.  I can be right in the middle of something and the phone will ring.  I’ll pick it up and hear an artificially cheerful voice say, “Hello!  This is to inform you that…STAR, has an appointment with DR.X.  on DAY OF THE WEEK, December DATE at TIME.  Please hold on for your options to confirm this appointment.  Press 1 to confirm this appointment.  Press 2 to cancel this appointment.”  It’s kind of eerie to be communicating with this disembodied voice.  And yet, all but one of my doctors have this way of confirming appointments.  One even sent an email in addition to the robo-call.  Only my periodontist had a real live, breathing, friendly human being call to confirm.  It was nice.  Lesson learned:  The human touch still makes a difference.

And finally, I’m on my third and final month of taking Prednisone, the steroid my endocrinologist thought would cure my double vision.  Even though it did nothing to help me, I couldn’t just stop taking it, due to the nature of the drug.  You have to be weaned off.  The first month I took 20 mg., the second, 10 mg. and the third 5 mg.  Now I’m taking them just every other day until the 23rd when they’ll be gone.  At first when I was prescribed this drug, I read about it and got very scared about the side effects – moon face, weight gain, mood swings, buffalo hump (the scariest.)  But, nothing initially happened.  In fact, I lost weight.  However in this third month, I think one side of my face looks a bit puffier than the other, which makes me feel very self-conscious.  It’s notorious for making one retain salt, so I’ve tried very hard to stay away from salty foods as much as I can.  When I do eat something salty, I notice the next day that my eyes look puffier.  And as for mood swings!  The other night I was going to watch a little cartoon penguin movie.  But right at the beginning, I felt so sorry for the little penguin who wanted to dance rather than sing that I got teary eyed!  I changed the channel because I didn’t think I could take it!  So yes, the mood swings are definitely in evidence.  For me the drug is terrible, and I’m counting the days until I don’t have to take it ever again.  I really don’t need this on top of the double vision.  It’s already making me plenty miserable without any help.  I know that this drug can be valuable in some cases, but not mine.  Lesson learned:  Some drugs ADD to your problems rather than alleviate them.

Okay, now that I’ve unloaded those thoughts, I have some more room in my head to add some more, which is always a good thing.  And if you learned anything here that you can use, so much the better.

Until next time,

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Yeah, yeah, I know, you don’t want to think about it.  But, like it or not Christmas is only about five weeks away.  Desperate retailers are already moving up “Black Friday” and leaking some of their bargains early.  There is an advantage to getting in on this early in that you’ll probably save some money.  And then, if you plan to order on-line, you need to allow time for shipping.  I’ve already ordered a few presents, and ‘m trying to think of “just the right thing” for a couple more.

And, it’s at this time of year I always remember those gifts, you know the ones, where you unwrap them and say, “Oh.  Thank you?”  There’s just something about getting a gift that shows you that the giver has no idea who you are, that hurts.  So it really does pay to give each other lists.  For example, there are certain things that are never right for me…ever.  So I thought I’d throw out five of them here, in case Santa is trying to decide what to give me.

1) “Cute” sweatshirts. You know the ones, with kitties or puppies.  And that goes double for holiday sweatshirts as well.  I love sweatshirts, big ones, but I don’t want anything on the front except words. I know a lot of people really love these, but, quite frankly, I would die if I had to wear this.  Seriously.

2. Bath creams or lotions that smell like fruits or vegetables. Don’t laugh!  I’ve seen (and received) lotions that smelled like peaches, strawberries, kiwis, apricots, and cucumbers.  The last thing I want to do when I step out of the bathtub is to slather my body in something that makes me smell like a cucumber!  Or an apricot (which I don’t even eat!)  Heck, if I’m going to smell like food, then get me some that smells like a good medium rare steak or bacon!   I once tried to use up some peach lotion that was given to me, but it tended to trigger my gag reflex.  Enough said.  Flowers are good.

3) Candles. I know what you’re saying, “Who doesn’t love candles?”  Well, I love them…when there’s a power outage.  Unfortunately, for some reason, for me candles have always represented the “I-couldn’t-think-of-anything-else” gift.  I’ve even bought them for that reason, I’m ashamed to say.  But, unless they are very unique, they’re boring.  I’d rather have a slinky.  Oh wait, I already do.

4) Something for my walls. People have given me wall decorations in the past and it tends to make me very uncomfortable.  If you read this blog at all, you know that my house is a very personal refuge for me that reflects my tastes and personality.  I love decorating it myself.  Someone giving me pictures of cute kitties (see #1) or, God forbid, something like this are really playing with fire.  Hear me, Santa?  No more reindeer antlers!

5) Ugg Boots. These boots represent a phenomenon I’ll never understand.  I know they’re hot and you’ll see them on many models but, for the life of me, I can’t understand why.  Wearing these boots, your feet are making a statement that is simply not me.  They’re saying “Hi!  I’m Nanook of the North!”  If my footwear wants to say anything, I want it to be “Yes, I may be frivolous, but I’m cute, no?”  To me, they’ll always be “Ugg – ly.”

Okay, well that should give Santa a place to start.  Do any of you have certain things that are definitely on your “NO” Lists?  Hit “comment” and share them with me.  I’d love to hear them!  (And please, no preachy comments about “it’s the thought that counts.”  I’d like to hear you say that when you’ve just unwrapped a re-gifted fruitcake or The Clapper!)

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My bits and pieces for today are totally unrelated in any way.  So, if one doesn’t interest you, just sit back and wait for the next.  You never know when you’ll learn something.  Or not.

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About six months ago I had a couple of ingrown eyelashes that were actually in my eye so I had to very carefully pluck them out.  No matter how careful I was, this left a gap in my lashes which I hated.  If you’re a woman who takes any pride in her lashes at all, you don’t want to go walking around with one eye that has lashes that look as if a curtain is open, instead of full and luxurious like they’re supposed to.  Enter Rapid Lash!

This eyelash and eyebrow serum is supposed to replenish lost lashes and eyebrow hair within four weeks, if used religiously every night.  All you do is wash your face, then “draw” a line of the serum across your eyelid where the lashes start.  That’s it.  I thought it was pretty pricey at $49.00 at CVS, but I was desperate.  Well, guess what?  It really works! Within three weeks I could tell my lashes were getting thicker and by four the missing lashes had been replaced.  I’ve gone through two tubes now and the lashes on one eye are so long that I almost need to trim them!  So hurray for a product that works!  (And by the way, I’ve since found I will be able to get it cheaper on-line and compared to Latisse, which runs $120 a tube, it’s a bargain.)  Just sayin’, if you have skimpy lashes, here’s your answer!

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Okay, this is a little “technical” bit.  I keep hearing people saying “I really like that blog you wrote about birds (or bras, or whatever.”)  My blog is not about just one thing.  A blog refers to the whole online journal of someone.  In this case, the BLOG is named “Star, Simplified.”  Each entry we add is called a post. So, a blog is made up of many individual posts.  Each post can be about different things.  So, I hope you like my blog and that you have different favorite posts I’ve written.  Okay? Class over now.

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If you all are like me, I’m sure you’ve had a time or two when a song, a melody or a commercial jingle gets stuck in your head and stays with you almost all day.  It can really drive you crazy.  Right?  Well, I’ve had a song stuck in my head for a whole week now and I don’t think it’s leaving anytime soon.  The funny thing is, in the lyrics there’s a phrase that says, “everybody wants some melodies that get stuck in your head.”  So maybe this whole thing goes way deeper than it initially appears.  Maybe this song is part of psychological warfare or something.  Anyway, I actually wake up hearing this song in my head!  It’s scary, but I can’t stop it!  So, being the good friend I am, I thought I’d put it here as a test case, so you could listen to it and see the words.  It’s called “Stuck Like Glue” by Sugarland.

Well?  This song is a testament to the power of repetition and rhyme.  Come back tomorrow and tell me it’s not still going through your head.  I dare ya!

 

 

 

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