Dear Upper Left Molar, or “Lefty,”
We’ve been together a long time now, and I don’t think you can deny all the attention and special care I’ve given you. I mean, in addition to brushing, haven’t I always flossed and used the water pik on you as well? Haven’t I always been careful about what I chew and didn’t I even give up Milk Duds for you? For crying out loud! I loved Milk Duds! But your welfare came first, and I made the sacrifice.
So you can imagine how shocked I was when the dentist told me Tuesday that you “weren’t long for this world!” That you were just waiting to pick your moment to commit “toothicide!” How did we ever reach this point? When I protested to the dentist about all the care I had given you, do you know what he said? He said, “Star, it’s not anything you have done or not done. It’s the tooth.” Lefty! What could be so horrible that you’re ready to “take yourself out?” I don’t understand. If you had let me know that things were this bad, I could have gotten you counseling. As it is, Dr. R says it’s too late. You could go at any time.
And I think you should know – it’s not just you that you’re affecting. Oh no! Dr. R says I’ll have to get two, count ’em, two dental implants! Yes, you’ll not only be affecting me, but also your next-door tooth! How does that make you feel? And each of those implants will probably cost about $1000.00! Do you know what I could have done with that kind of money? Where I could have gone? I could have bought a new mattress or a new couch, but no, I get to spend that money getting implants screwed into my jawbone! Oh yeah, good times. And that’s not the worst part! Apparently, this implant thing requires four months to heal before I can get new crowns in my mouth. Four months without those teeth! Are you proud of yourself now? Huh? And if that wasn’t bad enough (which it certainly is!) the crowns themselves are more expensive than regular crowns, like another $1000.00 apiece! Even with insurance, I’m going to be footing most of that bill.
And why? Because you’re so depressed that you can’t go on. Well, boo-hoo. What’s your real reason? Is it because you’re tired of working behind the scenes? Have you always longed to be a front tooth, so you’d “be seen?” Do you resent the fact that I love beef? Is chewing really that much of a hardship? Or are you simply curious about what happens next…after you’re gone? Are you dreaming of some “tooth heaven” where there are no cavities? You’d better check to see if toothicides qualify.
Well, despite what you’re doing to me, I think you should know that even though I feel betrayed, I’m going to continue to treat you with love, just as I always have. Since I don’t know when you plan on going, I’m going to keep brushing and flossing and hoping that you’ll hang on a little longer. Why? Because I’m true to you and I’m hoping you’ll realize what a good team we’ve become. Maybe you’ll do the right thing and try a little harder. Chew on that, my little friend. Chew on that a good long time!
With love,
Star
Star, Simplified 