Well, not to overreact or anything, but I may have to join the Federal Witness Protection Program. Seriously
Right as I reached the end of taking the deadly steroid, Prednisone on Thursday, one of the side effects finally kicked in, giving me a puffy face. And when I say “puffy face,” I don’t mean some little sissy bags under my eyes. No, I mean I look like I sucked on a bicycle pump while someone kept pumping and lost track of what they were doing! It’s horrifying! I drew this picture to give you some idea of what I’m dealing with. See how big my head is in relation to the rest of my body? That’s due to the puffiness!
I’m the kind of woman who needs to look the best she can at all times. It’s important to me. I even put on make-up on days when no one is going to see me but me. It’s vital to my self-esteem. Now that I look like an official Freak of Nature, I feel like crying every time I look in the mirror. I wear a mask (see my illustration again) every time I go out to the mailbox because I can’t bear the thought of someone seeing me and saying, “Is THAT Star? Good Lord! What HAPPENED to her?” Instead they probably just think I’m Zorro’s wife…
So I figure if this doesn’t go away, I may need the Feds’ help to start a new life somewhere where no one knows me. Of course in that new life I’d probably be called, “The Puffy-Faced Woman” and would be a figure of pity and maybe scorn, but hey, what can you do? Of course I’ve only been off the pills for a few days, so I’m praying that my face will go back to the way it was. I was thinking of maybe poking one of my cheeks with a straight pin and see if a bunch of air comes whooshing out. Gross, but it would be a fast solution.
Anyway, until I start looking like a normal person again, I’ll keep writing but you probably won’t see me. I’m going incognito. And now you know why.
Er, I mean, Sadie Zorro.
Star, Simplified 